Mr Novak? Our Muffins are on Fire!
by humanity-is-lost
Summary: Hot headed, sex god, swings whatever direction your pants are dropping, Dean Winchester. There was nothing saintly about the boy on the outside. He may be a firefighter, but had an ego the size of Jupiter along with its moons. When Lit Teacher Castiel walks into the roadhouse, Dean's life is turned on it's head. For once, he's okay with it.
1. Career Festivals are Fun

The night of his twenty four shift started the same as it always does. It's Saturday night after all. The men don't stray from tradition. So, their night starts with poker, putting a good portion of his salary for the next two weeks on the line. Luckily he knew he will win, much unlike the rest of them. They don't call him the king of Poker for nothing. His poker face didn't give away his bluffs, true wins, or even his signature fake sigh. Why they didn't ever fold was beyond him, hell it was far beyond him that they even let him play anymore.

"Winchester, report to the Chiefs office" Someone blared into the loud speaker, the voice of the man who Dean could push around like a chess piece, and the only punishment was mopping the locker room. That was far better than Dean had ever been used to, aside the short time he spent with Uncle Bobby as a kid when he'd run away. That man, out of any of them, was a saint. Soon after his fathers death, he'd gotten a temporary job that paid just enough to get a two bedroom home in a small neighborhood. After that, he joined the forces of Sioux Falls Fire Squad Station eight, his dream job.

"Read em' and weep, ladies, I'll be heading to the chiefs office with my pockets jangling with your pay checks." He said smuggly, with a giant cocky grin on his face. Victor threw his cards angerly at the table, walking away while mumbling, "Nothing but a cheating bastard."

When he reached Chief Rufus' office, he had no guilt or worry in his gut. Just a smug smile and a cocky, "Hey old man." Knowing far too well he could slide by without a scratch. Sometimes with multiple men raising you, none of which knowing what the hell they were doing, had it's perks. This being one of them. Bobby was like a father, even though they addressed him as Uncle Bobby despite no blood relation. Rufus was the one they came for when there was something jackpot insane going on and they needed help, and fast.

"We need you to do the career fair at the high school this year." Rufus deadpanned, Dean followed with a low groan. The career fair was a mess, the firefighter booth was filled with adrenaline fuled junkies and people staring at his body while salivating. Believe it or not, he wasn't just a steak in a meat case. He'd done the craft fair for two years, he was done. He wasn't a rookie they could order around anymore.

"Can't, fourty-eight Monday, for the little strip tease I did." Dean replied with a devious smirk, remembering that night vividly. A man can't have a pole around and not start to strip. He'd only gotten his shirt off, and a few swings around the pole before Rufus pulled the plug on all his fun. He was sure that Danny boy over there was having a spark of fun, at least his crotch was. The rest of them were groaning miserably, saying they already saw way too much of him on a normal day. Working at a firehouse had a certain lack of privacy. The worst part of it all, it was like sex detox. That's nothing that could cool a hard on that faster than these apes, they were too much of a family as it is. Day in and day out with people tends to do that. Along with the newly placed "No sex anywhere people can find you." Suprisingly that wasn't Dean's fault.

"Consider yourself relieved, Dean. Career fest or I'm eating your pie." Rufus threatened, making Dean gape. You don't mess with Dean Winchesters pie, and what's worse was he knew that Rufus was dead serious. He'd done it before, far too many times. It was never a mistake, no matter how many times he claimed it to be.

"Please tell me you're joking, man! Last year I got groped! Twice! I haven't looked at my dick the same way ever again!" Dean sputtered, slightly horrified.

"Not joking, kid. Eight AM, the suit overalls, boots, and navy shirt. No exceptions. You're officially off the clock, I know what you're up to Saturday nights. Just don't let that hangover carry over into Monday. Capiche?" Dean sighed, nodding, knowing he'd lost this battle, usually he fought harder (usually winning because Rufus didn't want to deal with Dean.) Rufus, hell everyone knew that the fire department booth did far better when Dean was behind it with his big green eyes and swoon worthy smile. Looked like he'd be groped by Juniors and Seniors another year. Maybe one day when he's old they'll stop. Who's he kidding, good looks don't just vanish over night. Especially with an ass like his.

"I'm going to go change and head out. See you after the grope session, Ruf." Dean said gruffly with a nod in Rufus' direction. His clothes smelt like motor oil and sweat. Maybe he should have changed before coming to work. He had been working on his car, the harmonic balancer seal had started to leak. With a short mornings work in the fire house garage, he had it fixed in no time. When he has his twenty four hours off tomorrow, he'll fix it up properly. He just didn't want to risk the unlikelyhood of being stranded. Especially while he was between phones. Sam and him were testing who could win in a fight, and after a broken coffee table and smashed phone, they decided Dean could take Sam easily. That reminds him, he really needs to pick up the remnants of the table, instead of walking around or over them. The table was never truly used, except for as a place for the mens feet. Ellen would kill them if she knew.

In the locker room he stripped down to his boxers easily, despite being slightly shy while so unclothed in a public area. He'd always been like that, avoiding the locker room as much as possible. In high school he'd hide in the bathroom, and change in one of the stalls. But he couldn't do that at work, he knew that wouldn't work. He manned up within a few weeks. Though he refused to go farther than his boxers. Gotta let them wonder. He changed into a henly, jacket, and faded jeans that had holes in places that he wasn't proud of. At this time, all the extra money he earned is going to Sam's college fund, not that he knows that. Choosing Stanford was a heavy bill. So he's been saving for as long as he knew.

Walking to the bar was normal, one man was playing a tuba for money. That was the only excepton. He could see Jo in their normal booth in the back, away from the drunken madness that is Saturday night. Drink, Sex, and any drug some stranger gave you. He'd already gone through that phase. Sixteen with a fake ID with someone around his arm. After he was declared Sammy's guardian. That sobered him up nice and quick. His house became a home when Sam moved in. It didn't feel so empty, and alone. They moved soon after into a two bedroomer that was theirs instead of his. Dean may not be good with huge crowd, but he liked having him around. He'd already practically raised the kid, he was nearly adult. That was something Dean wasn't ready for, but he had to jump in if he wanted to keep Sam.

Sliding into the booth, relaxing. He leaned against her shoulder for support. This shift was a killer, so Dean was exhausted. All he wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for eternity. But he wanted to see his friends more, so here he was.

"Wanna play flirt?" Jo asked deviously. She always brought up this game when she saw a guy she wanted to talk to. They did it all through high school. Every time she snagged a man in under twenty minutes. But then he spotted a gorgeous man, in a trench chout with a suit underneath. Dean couldn't help seeing his tie was backwards, and his hair was a sexual mess. Tonight, he was defnitely playing flirt. He slid out of the booth, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. He walked up to the table the blue eyed man was sitting at, with a beer in his hand.

"Can I sit here?" Dean asked sheepishly, very unlike his coky brave personality. Soemthing about this guy caught his attention. He looked just as exhausted as Dean felt. It seems like everyone is busy this time of year.

"Uh, um, yes!" He said, blust creeping up his neck and face. Dean couldn;t help but smile, thinking it was adorable. Wait. Adorable? God this guy will end me, Dean thought.

"What's your name?" Dean asked quietly in the loud bar, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

"Castiel Novak, but most people call me Cas. Which I do prefer." He said with a small smile, a smile that was barely noticable.

"I'm Dean Winchester, Unfortunately a lot of people say Winchester, so please call me Dean." He laughed, relaxing into the chair. In the corner of his eye he could see Ellen smirking. She was always a snoop in his love life. Usually hating the boys and girls he brought around. But this boy seems respectable, and won't hurt Dean again. She was sure one more break would kill him. This boy has had more heartbreak than Ellen thought was possible. Losing both of his parents, losing Eric, and he believed all of it was his fault.

"Glad to meet you Dean." Castiel smiled looking up and down Dean's visable body. He has to admit, it's hot.

"So Cas, wha do you do for a living?" Dean asked with half smile. This was the trap. Whenever he drops the bomb there are multiple reaction, "I cant do this", hitting Dean, after realising who he is. He hadn't been on a proper date since Eric died. Though rarely they run off as fast as possible. All thought they did have some girl with a fireman kink. Ash ended up stealing Dean's uniform to bone her. That was a weird one.

"I'm a Literature teacher at the high school, what about you?" Dean couldn't help but smirk, Cas had sexy teacher written all over him. Dean could tell whether the guy liked him or not, he'd be having teacher kink dreams tonight.

"I love literature! I have to admit, I'd probably marry him if he was still around. His writing is amazing." Dean said smiling, with complete honesty.

"You're pretty good at skipping topics, Dean." Castiel laughed, sipping his nearly empty beer. Dean laughed, throwing his head back. Cas could see his muscles stretch in all the right places and he was already having dirty thoughts.

"Okay, fine. I'm a firefighter." Dean said without any emotion, his stance was ready for an attack. He'd been ready for an attack since his mother died. He tried to not hit anyone, but theres a point where defense isn't enough. He'd seen it a few times in abused kids, but Cas didn't say anything. It wasn't his business.

"Man in a uniform, you must get all the ladies." Castiel says with a fake laugh, hoping he'll correct him.

"_No way, they all hate me at thi point." Dean huffed, rubbing his neck. "We were in th building and it imploded. I was okay, but Eric wan't; He was trapped under boards and pipes. You could carely see his face, but you could feel the piain in his voice. "Dean the rest is going to collapse, go. Now!" He yelled. _

_ "I can't leave you here!" Dean yelled back dropping down closest to Eric as he could._

_ "You have to! Don't die for nothing, Dean! You have so much more to live for. Go!" He yelled as more things fell from the collapsing structure._

_ "I'm sorry!" Dean screamed as he got hit by a pipe. Painful, but not anything compared to what Eric was feeling. He was able to escape last minute as the whole building collapsed. No chance of survival or recovery._

_ Dean took a deep breath and pressed the button on the walkie-talkie. _

_ "Man down, no chance of recovery. I'll notify Mrs. Stinsin.." Dean said gravely. Later after the EMT's have checked him, he walks to the Stinsin home, only two blocks away. There were children toys littering the yard, and when Molly opened the door her baby bump was even more visible. Second trimester. He'd been in their wedding, Best Man. It was an honor. They were a match truly made in heaven._

_ "Dean! What..What are you doing here?" She asked, her face dropping._

_ "Mrs. Stinsin, your husband died in the fire at the gun emporium." He said formally, his eyes glassy, with a single grief filled tear fell down Dean's face. Molly was completely bawling. Later when she learned the whole story, Dean wasn't allowed anywhere near her or her kids. That hurt, considering the kids had been calling him Uncle Dean. _

_ Everyone in town aside the other firefighters were either blaming him for Eric's death or disgusted he didn't try to help. But they didn't know the whole story. They reminded him of it every day. The only reason he stayed was his family. They keep him grounded when he starts floating away from them. _

"Ha. Not lately. Not to dump on you but I'm pretty hated here." Dean laughed without a hint of amusement. His eyes were slightly glassy, staring right at Cas, who stared back. But Cas didn't look angry or disgusted. He looked.. Sad.

"Well, what happened? I'm sure you can't make a majority of town angry without doing something." Cas said, his voice portrayed how sorry he felt, but Dean didn't need sorry. He knew what he did, he should have died in there.

"There was a fire at this gun super store, and one of my best friends was trapped. The fire was closing in, and fast. He was screaming at me to leave, I was saying no. But last second possible I left, screaming sorry. Then the place collapsed. He was found dead." Dean said, his voice scratchy and filled with sadness and regret.

"That's not your fault, Dean." He said, reaching out to put his hand on Dean's. Dean didn't pull away, it actually felt.. Nice. May look a little gay, but then again he's boned at least a quater of all the gay men in this town, so he's probably safe.

"It feels like it, though," He laughed humorlessly. "So, what brings you to Lawrence? It's not the most exciting place on earth." He asks, giving Cas his best smile.

"I have a brother here, and it seemed like a good place for my younger brother." Cas replied.

"Oh really? How old is he? I take of my younger brother too. Though sometimes he's the one taking care of me." Dean grinned genuinely.

"He's nearly seventeen, a junior at the high school I teach at, Lawrence high school.."

"Sammy too! I'd say playdate but I'd probably be killed in my sleep." He chuckled. Dean's laugh was the type of laugh where your whole body is involved, head back, muscles flexed, legs stretching out. Cas had to admit it was attractive.

"Gabriel would probably put mud in my coffee again. Never going there again." Cas chuckled back, slightly squeezing Dean's hand in the process. Both of them noticed, but neither said or did anything about it. Though both parties wanted more.

Dean's cell phone rang, he answered it grimly. He knew this meant he had a call, or Sam needed him. "Yeah? Pick me up at the Roadhouse." He frowned at Cas, "Maybe another time?"

"Definitely." Cas smiled as Dean got up and left. The smile faded when he realized, they'd forgotten to exchange numbers.

Sunday came and went, nothing exciting, although he did help a girl who'd accidently set a greese fire in her kitchen. It was contained quickly and there was minimal damage. Aside that he'd fixed his car up properly and helped around Bobby's. So overall he was exhausted, cranky, and feeling overall disgusting. But waking up Monday morning felt dreadful. It was literally high school all over again. Sam was thankful that he'd have a ride to school, though. It meant waking up at six in the morning. It may be later than Dean's usual time but he was still cranky. His shower was relatively nice asides the slightly cold water. He swears an older burn scar still hurts, but everyone said it was just in his head. Probably was but it still hurt. Dean was slow with getting dressed, worn out jeans, biker boots and his favorite henley with a thin green overshirt unbuttoned on top. Walking downstairs, Dean could tell by the noise that Sam was already up and making himself breakfast. It was something vegan so Dean just opened up a box of poptarts and stuck them in the toaster.

"So you're still driving me, right?" Sam asked, taking a bite of his food, then breathing out because it was too hot.

"If I wasn't I wouldn't be up." Dean groaned. He'd just use his extra time setting up the booth for the career festival. Make it actually presentable instead of his signature "Firefighters" sign written in sharpie on a piece of paper, taped to his table. Teachers usually rolled their eyes at him, but he always got the most kids. Maybe this year he'll knock the teachers socks off.

"Dude, you usually are up at four, why are you so grouchy?" Sam asked, finally swallowing his now cool food.

"I'm not good with schedule change, you know that." Dean grumbled, eating his blueberry poptarts. He swears they're a gift from god. "I still can't believe I didn't get Castiel's friggin' number." Dean said, frowning. He'd been kicking himself for it since he got into the firetruck. Dean couldn't shake those blue eyes and the way it felt when their hands were touching. It felt complete. Something Dean hasn't felt in a long time. He loves his brother, he loves his job, but theres something missing, aside his parents. A little whole in his heart that he didn't know how to fill.

Sam picked both their plates up and put them in the sink to be washed by Dean later while Sam is doing homework. Their routine was relatively the same, sometimes Dean is home for it, sometimes not. Today, he was here.

"Time to go!" He said, wiping his mouth as he grabbed his backpack off the hook. Dean groaned in disappointment, wishing he had another ten minutes to just sit in peace like he did most mornings. But apparently Sam had other plans. Sam usually got a ride from his friend Brady but Brady was usually late, getting them both their right before the late bell, making them run to their classes every morning. So being able to be their before the first bell was a nerdy treat of his.

Dean picked up his keys from the bowl near the door, locking it as he exited. Sam said Dean had too many keys, house key, car key, locker key, deadbolt key, bank box key, and many more. But Dean whistled, ignoring Sam completly as he got into the drivers seat, sticking his favorite tape into the slot, letting the music nearly deafen the both of them. It was something Sam was unfortunately used to.

The ride to school was silent aside the music, people stared at the car as they pulled into the parking space. His baby was drawing attention. Dean's supplies for the booth were in the backseat, so he retrieved them while Sam was walking away to class. The box he had was heavy, it had his helmet inside and things Rufus had given him to get the kids interested. Pamphlets about their junior firefighter program, life of a firefighter, and so on. Personally Dean thought they wouldn't give two shakes but Rufus insisted.

He walked into the building without checking in at the front desk, he's been here so many times that they don't care much anymore, knowing it won't stop him. After so many home economics oven/microwave fires, and helping in the auto shop, people know him. The faculty were some of the few people in town that didn't blame him. The school almost was like a safe place, no dirty looks or angry glares.

The gymnasium wasn't hard to find, there were other people setting up their booths, his was in a corner which Dean didn't mind. Then he wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. They probably did that on purpose, trying to avoid the panic attack he had last year when he was in the middle of the gym. Too many people. Dean has had anxiety problems since he was a kid, nothing diagnosed. He knew it could cause problems with his job. So he just trudged on, learning how to deal with it on his own. But Eric's death had shaken his anxiety up like a childs snowglobe. His dreams were plagued with the same nightmare over and over. His problem with crowds had gotten worse, and his ADD was going mad. Not many people knew about any of this. Sam, Ash, and Jo.

"Dean! How have you been?" Someone asked behind him as he set down his box. He recognized the voice imediately. Lisa Braeden. She was an art teacher here. They tried dating, but it didn't end up anywhere, nothing more than a kiss that had zero chemistry. But they remained friends, she occasionally got Dean to hook her up with another one of his firemen friends. She's been dating Matt for a few weeks now. Though he doesn't enjoy when Matt talks about his 'fabulous' sex life. Apparently she's a firecracker in bed. Not something he wanted to know, because at this point she was like the little sister he never had. Sam's hard on for her is far too awkward to talk about.

"I've been me, what about you Lisa?" He smiled, taking the helmet out of the box and placing it on the tables corner for everyone to see. Next the huge banner 'Firemen of Sioux Falls' that everyone signed. Go big or go home. They were tired of Dean's half assed attempts. Dean signed the banner 'Dean Sex God Winchester' which made everyone in the firehouse groan.

"I've been good, you should let me hook you up with this hot teacher. I think he's gay. You'd definitely be into him. He hasn't been here too long, but god his ass!" She swooned, putting her hand to her forhead dramatically.

"I'm actually kinda into someone, but I didn't get his number. I've been kicking myself over it since." He mumbled while blushing slightly.

"Ooh, Dean's got a crush! Tell me the dirty details." Lisa demanded, hitting his arm, which made Dean laugh.

"He's hot and didn't find it weird that I'd marry Von., well if he did he didn't say it. That's already perfect." Dean laughed as students started to stream in. The famous Vonnegut test was something common he would do. If he was into someone, he's mention that he'd marry Vonnegut. Cas is the first person who didn't say something along the lines of 'That's really weird.' or 'What?'. He finished setting up as Lisa walked away to direct students. She had planning period first period, so they nagged her into helping with this instead. Dean sat behind the table and started to doze off until someone walked up to the table and woke him up to ask questions. He ended up taking the pamphlet on the junior firefighters program. Maybe Rufus was right afterall.

Half way through the fair, someone walks by the booth that catches Dean's eye. He jumps up from his chair to lean over the table and reaches out as far as he can to grab the mans wrist, not caring if its rude or not. It surprises the man but the surprise melts away when he sees Dean's face.

"Cas." He whispers, loud enough so only Cas could hear him. It felt intimate and personal.

"Dean." He whispered back with a goofy grin on his face, trying to hide his now blushing face. Dean let go of Cas' wrist and sat back in his chair, his giant grin never fading.

"Think I can get that number this time?" Dean asks laughing, Cas could swear his eyes sparkled like a childs, it was quite beautiful.

"You know what, see me again and you'll get it." He teases, playing hard to get.

"Man you're killing me!" Dean exclaimed with a laugh following.

"A guys got to be sure." Cas muses as he runs his fingers through his hair.

"Next time I see you I'm getting your number, at all costs, Mr. Novak." He winked at Cas playfully as Cas walked away with a grin that didn't disappear all day despite several papers having pornographic material in them. Dean's time at the career fair was long and boring, though he could say he was groped three times this year. He definitely needed a shower, horny high schoolers.

Dean drove Sam home afterschool, "So how was your day?" he asked, not even putting a tape in, which made Sam raise an eyebrow.

"It was normal, what about yours? You're not playing music, has someone died?" Sam asked, truly worried.

"No! What the hell, Sam! I can't have a good day? I saw Cas again but he's playing hard to get. I have to see him again to get his number, something about being sure. If I don't see him, someone _will _be dying!" Dean ranted as they drove.

"Lisa tried to set me up with some teacher but dammit I can't get this guy off my mind. He didn't even say anything about my wanting to marry Vonnegut! I mean that usually sends them off running for the hills but he didn't even skip a beat! Those eyes Sam, they're just so..I don't even know they're just perfect. He's perfect! I'm not good enough for him but Sam!" He continued, slightly freaking out. When they pulled into their driveway, he dropped his head on the steering wheel. "He even has a little brother, in your year. Cas teaches Lit. at your school. How sexy is that? Sexy literature teacher." A low groan of frustration escaped Dean's lips.

"I'm screwed, Sammy. I can't just show up at the school, that's creepy. But I don't know how else to find him. Sammy-y-y." He groaned. Sam rolled his eyes at his brother as a reponse and exited the car, leaving his brother to his thoughts. Dean hit his head on the steering wheel repeatedly, occassionally hitting the horn but not caring. Though he knew his neighbor will chew him out later for it.

"So screwed."


	2. We Found Love in a Downpour

"_I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince_

Sam was done. Usually he had a higher tolerance when it came to his brother. But then again Dean has always been an emotional rock with a cocky overcoat. Sam has never encountered whiney, bitching, wildly pining Dean Winchester. He's only know this guy for a few days now, had two considerably short conversations with, and he was already acting more like a girl than in Sam's seventeen years of experience. Sam has never seen Dean act this way over anyone, ever. He was more of a one night stand then never speak to again kind of guy. Infact, Sam was pretty sure Dean had never been in a comitted relationship before. It didn't help that his attention span was famous for lasting no longer than two seconds. Hence why Dean spent so much time at the firehouse. There were endless lists of things he could do. Want something to do? Do the dishes. Done with that? Tune up the trucks. The fact that is was plumping up Sam's secret college fund was just an added bonus. With Dean off today, he was driving Sam up and down the walls. Not even school could save him, when he would check his cell phone during passing period there would be a handful of texts from his brother, coming up with piss poor ideas, then calling himself various variations of the word stalker. This is where Sam drew the line. So he powered up his laptop and immediately went to Facebook. Every teenager has a Facebook these days, especially ones as infamous as Gabriel Novak. It wasn't hard to make the connection, especially with such a strange last name. Though in this case, that strange last name made the result instant, Gabriel Novak, Lawrence High School, Works at Sally's Sweets on Main. Thankfully his contact information wasn't guarded, so Sam jotted down the number then slapped his laptop lid shut. He practically ran down the stairs to retrieve the landline since he'd left his cell phone in the car, not wanting to go outside.

"What the hell are you running for, Sammy!" Dean practically shouted from his spot the coffee table used to be. He must have cleaned it and went out to buy a new one while Sam was doing his homework, because he was holding instructions, while the pieces were strewed out around him. As well as a package of half empty Oreos. The TV was on but only as back round noise, Dean wasn't a fan aside from his Dr. Sexy, but that was probably because he would tune out five minutes in and then suddenly he'd missed the whole show. Besides, Dean would much rather be doing busy work. Sam found it a strange existence, since he loved sitting at home doing nothing but reading or surfing the net.

Sam grabbed the landline, nearly knocking a stool over in the process, then ran up the stairs and slamming the door. He could faintly hear Dean yelling 'Don't slam the door, you little bitch!'

The phone rang three times before someone answered. "Hello you've reached king of the lollipops but you may address me as Gabriel. How may I help you?" He sounded jittery, he was either high or had way too much sugar. He only thought the latter because he called himself "King of the Lollipops.'

"Hey, this is Sam Winchester, we have Home Economics together. My brother Dean won't shut up about your brother, pining like a teenage girl. I've personally had enough. Your brother said he would give Dean his number if they saw each other again, so I need your help." Sam ranted, slightly out of breath by the end.

"Deano! The firefighter! Castiel's mentioned his a few times since Saturday, he's been acting like a love sick puppy. Wait! I have an idea, you said Home economics, right?" Gabriel said with a tone of excitement.

"Right."

"Okay, sit with me tomorrow, and I'll take care of the rest." Gabriel said deviously, hanging up the line.

Dean woke up groggy and uncomfortable, rubbing his eyes to get the never ending nightmare out of his head. Every night it's the same. The house burning, practically no breathable air outside his room. His small mind instantly went to one word. Sammy. He could hear his Dad yelling his mothers name, so he opened his door and ran across the hall. Sam was still in his crib, crying and screeching. When he opened up Sam's door again to leave with his baby brother in hand, he was face with his father who said only one word.

Run.

Dean dragged himself out of bed, his hair sticking up in all the wrong places. Dried drool on his cheek, feeling the least bit sexy a man can ever feel. That's saying something. He went through his drawers picking a long sleeve shirt and well worn jeans as well as mismatched socks, knowing full well he'd have to change into uniform at the station. Well he didn't have to persay, but Rufus tended to yell about protocol less when he wore it. His shower wasn't anything special, maybe on the cooler side but Dean didn't bother to adjust it. When he finally made it downstairs, he slapped thirty dollars on the counter with a note, 'Feed yourself. Be back in two days.' This was a regular occurrence, Dean was out the door by five thirty.

People started really waking up by eight, demanding breakfast. Also demanding that it was Dean's food, and definitely not Garth's. Everyone in this station knew that Dean's cooking was by far the best, beating everyone's expectations every single time. Then again after being served Garths burnt to a crisp turkey last year for Thanksgiving, the bar wasn't all too high. Dean cracked out the ingredients for his home made chocolate pancakes, with strawberries to chop up and put on top. According to the men, they were practically as good as sex, as good as a food orgasm can get.

Things were moving along quickly, flipping the pancakes at their peak. While waiting for the rest to cook Dean started to drum along to 'Carry On My Wayward Son' with freshly cleaned butter knives, soon enough he was belting out the song in full. No one bothered to holler at him, saying ungraciously to shut up, because by now they knew he wouldn't; and frankly he wouldn't care if they did. Soon enough Dean's mind floated away even though he kept singing. The scar on his arm brought him back to his childhood and teenaged years in that wreck of an apartment living with Sam and his angry, bitter, drunk of a father. Dean and Sam would probably have never been so close if it weren't for the fact that they were forced to share a room up until Sam was a teenager, a young teenager, but still in fact one. But Dean's over protectiveness of his brother did play a role. All the nights that Sam would fall asleep to the sound of drunken John either screaming or tossing Dean around was enough to take an emotional toll on any kid. Dean hated the man with a passion, long forgetting the kind and caring father he had as a small child. Sam never knew the man their father used to be, but still felt pain when he passed on. Not to the extent most people feel when a parent dies, but still pain to a degree. Took the day off of school for John's funeral but no preceding days. He didn't feel that was needed. He missed the mother figure he never knew more than he ever missed John. Dean missed his mother more than he would ever be able to admit. Not even to Sam. He'd never been close enough to someone to ever consider it. Always fuck and run, he didn't even mention it to Jo or Ash. The memory of his mother was deeply engraved in his mind, like a movie on the silver screen. Too precious to share with anyone just in passing.

As Dean was plating the pancakes, Rufus strutted into the kitchen grabbing a plate of food while shouting, "Breakfast, ladies!" There was a ruckus as everyone crowded into the kitchen for their fair share. As everyone left to crowd around the long kitchen table in the main area, Dean remained in the kitchen as always with his food. Not that he'd admit it to these jackasses, he was a claustrophobic panic attack waiting to happen. Though he'd always been like that, times of high stress were worse. He's been out of his mind with stress since Eric died, the town hating him just added to that as well as his own guilt.

"Dean, someone's on the phone for you!" Garth yelled from the other room. For a moment Dean questioned it until he remembered that his cell was still broken so if someone wanted to get a hold of him they had to call the station. Dean walked out of the kitchen and grabbed the corded phone from Garth with a nod.

"Dean Winchester, resident badass speaking."

"Son, shut your cocky piehole before I beat your car with a wrench." Bobby said gruffly.

"Don't you dare threaten my baby, Bobby Singer. Whatcha' need anyway?" Dean mused, leaning against the brick wall.

"The shop is booked out through next week, can you give me a hand when you're off?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, sure old man. Anything for you."

"Don't call me old man, and get a new friggin' cell phone, ya idjit." The line ended as Dean's laughter rang out. Crazy old coot, Bobby was. Though he was more a father than anyone had been, and he could rely on him when he needn't someone, he was always there for him. Every time he'd run away for a week or so, he'd try and make it on his own but end up on Bobby's door step, the old man took him in every single time. Gave him a hot shower, place to sleep, and enough food to feed an army. Dean had been a rather skinny kid up until he moved up, then he could finally have three meals a day and sleep in peace. Once he moved out, he went from a light sleeper to dead to the world within two days. Never had a sleep problem again, aside the nightmares. But Dean resided that those were probably there to stay. At least for the foreseeable future.

Sam walked into Home Economics with a bounce in his step. Knowing Gabriel, this will either be dangerous, illegal, or both, but as long as it gets Dean here than Sam's happy. Something deep inside Sam was hopeful that this would kill the whining side of Dean. He had enough on his plate with preparing for college and trying to find his place in the world. He'd started sending out college applications, more than most people. But his heart was sold on Standford. He just hoped his grades were up to par, praying that the B- in Spanish wouldn't hurt him in the long run. Dean says he's over reacting and that I'll get in without a question, but Sam wasn't so sure. He wasn't as confident with himself as Dean was in him. But Dean was an arogant kind of guy, maybe his view of his brother was warped as well?

Gabriel grinned from the third row, and patted the stool next to him. His smile was nearly demonic, how could he be named after the messanger of God with a smile like that? But when Sam sat next to Gabriel, he glanced at the boys backpack, that was when he was truly worried. It was suspiciously overpacked and smelled slightly like gasoline. What was he getting himself into?

Mr. Crowley walked into the room looking even more hung over than usual. The guy was a wreck, "Class, muffins, stuff is on the counter, go fucking bananas." Mr. Crowley was the type of teacher who didn't care that cursing could get him in trouble, infact once he swore a students ear off for singeing his own eye brows off while fucking around. His head only rose from his desk when his phone rang, after a few moments he looked frantic, running out into the hallway yelling "I need someone to watch my class!"

"You get the materials, and I'll do the rest, Samsquatch." Gabriel said with a wink, making Sam scowl as as went and gathered the needed muffins to make basic muffins. When he returned to their table, Gabriel had several suspicious objects on the table, while looking around the room nervously.

"We gotta do this quick before a teacher who actually gives a shit comes in." Gabriel whispered, dumping things into the mixxing bowl.

"What the hell is that stuff?" Sam asked in a hushed tone, wrinking his nose in disgust.

"Lighter fluid, grease, little everclear, and a few things I wouldn't dare tell a cop about." This guy was insane, absolutely insane. But it was too late to turn back, as they were filling the runny mixture into muffin cups. Things were going according to plan until none other than Mr. Novak walked in. They couldn't tell if this was great or going to get them caught.

But again, it was far too late.

When Castiel's eyes laid on Gabriel, he had to take a double take, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was already hard enough to control Gabriel in his own classroom and at home, but here too? Castiel's day couldn't be going worse. He had hit a baby porcupine on the way to work since he'd been up all night grading a story assignment, with the prompt, "How you know you're in love." Personally he knew it would be a disaster the moment it was picked from the prompt bowl. He was right, since most of the boys papers had been related to errects and wet dreams. Something deep down in him had hoped they would be mature with the assignment, but that was shattered as he read, 'I know I'm in love with my hoe when my dick sticks up when I see her.' written hundreds of times. Then another teacher spent fifteen minutes before school chewing him out for not filling the coffee pot. He'd never even used the schools coffee machine.

"Okay, I set the timer for ten minutes, hundred degrees higher than I was supposed to. We have ten minutes until shit goes down."

It happened in four.

"Mr. Novak?"

"Yes? What do you need?"

"Our muffins are on fire!" This caught Castiel's attention.

"Everybody out! Pull the fire alarms, call nine one one! Get out!" Castiel started yelling, opening the classroom door for everyone to exit. Soon after the fire alarm was blaring, sending the whole student body into a panic. They say that fire drills will prepare you for the real deal, but when that true feeling of panic hits you, you realize no matter how much prep you do, you'll never be ready for a fire. Even Dean was still terrified of the prospects of an uncontrolled fire, no matter how many fires he's been through, or lives he's saved.

Castiel stayed in the classroom, trying to air it out as much as possible, opening every door and window. His mind was raising and terror was rushing through his veins like an evil drug. The smoke seeping through the oven door was getting to him. The top of the oven was starting to sink in from the heat. For the first time in his life, Castiel was truly terrified. Not like before a twisty roller coaster or when you have to speak infront of tons of people. But actually worried about his own well being as well as everyone elses. He didn't know why he stayed in the room, he probably should have left. Espcially when he started coughing and got light headed, then a steady stream of thick black smoke was pouring out of the oven. His body felt like jelly, and he couldn't move. Castiel's mind was screaming leave, but his body wouldn't cooperate. Whether it was because of fear or lack of oxygen, he didn't know. But he did know that he hit the cold hard floor.

Firefighters rushed into the room minutes later, one yelled, "Get the civillian out of here!" So Castiel's lifeless body was carried out of the room by a man with gorgeous green eyes, who was muttering, 'Cas you stupid, stupid son of a bitch.' He may have been holding back tears and the screams that were clawing at the back of his throat.

"I need a paramedic!" Dean yelled, holding Castiel's body close to his own, like he would protect him with his life. Maybe he would. He jogged towards Bela who was pulling a gurney out. He layed Cas down flat as Bela put an oxygen mask over his face. Dean let out a scream of frustration as Bela pulled the gurney towards the ambulance. Why did fire have to take away everything good in his life?

"Dean, come on! Get in the ambulance or we're fucking leaving you!" That was unexpected, but he looked at Bela with eyes that practically read, 'Thank you.' as they were budding with tears. He jumped into the ambulance before the could see the guilty, grief stricken looks on Sam and Gabriel's faces.

Sam couldn't help but think that maybe there was never a whiney, bitchey, teenage girl version of his brother. Maybe he'd just never seen his brother fall in love at first sight, as the ambulance drove away. He'd never seen his brother in love at all.

Castiel's eyes fluttered open half way to the hospital, when he tried to sit up, Dean gently held him back.

"Take it easy, Tiger. We're on the way to the hospital. Just relax, you're in good hands." Dean whispered, Castiel noticed the cracking in his voice but didn't mention it. Infact, he only said one word as his hand wrapped around the wrist of the man holding him back.

"Dean." He muttered, a small smile forming on his face. The man that has been on his mind since the moment they met. When he shut his eyes, he saw his face. The freckles, his green eyes, slightly tanned skin, infectious grin, every little thing about him, every part that Dean hated about himself, among the all too long list.

"Gave me a scare there, Cas." Dean said softly, pressing a short kiss to Castiel's forehead. Dean had never felt sparks or even emotion in a kiss before. But this innocent display of affection hit him like a flood of emotions. All of them were good. It was like starting a new, if only for a second.

Cas didnly reply, just layed there in a state of both bliss and anxiety. Was that even possible?

Dean's cellphone beeped, signaling a text message. Beep another time, making Dean raise an eyebrow. He rarely got texts from anyone besides Sammy.

_Lisa Braeden_

_Look's like you found that sexy teacher on your own, Dean!_

_Samsquatch Winchester_

_Dude, I don't care what you think or say, but you love that guy. Don't get hurt._

To think he'd asked for a brother.

Dean didn't reply to either, just intertwined his hand with Cas' while muttering, "Lisa was right, you have a killer ass." Which made Castiel laugh until he was coughing.

"Lisa Braeden? She's been oggling my ass?" He asked, as if it were an absurd idea.

"Yeah, I may have as well when I saw you at the career festival." Dean admitted while blushing, trying to laugh away his embarssment.

"Well to be fair, your ass is a work of art."

"God you two are more of a couple than most couples!" Bela said with fake disgust. Dean's face lit up like a Christmas tree both from embarrassment and happiness. Cas brought him happiness. There wasn't a rhyme or reason. He felt hole after spending years picking up the broken pieces of his soul, glueing himself together along the way only for someone to come along and crush him all over again. Eventually the pieces were too small to pick up so Dean created a newer version of himself. One that liked classic rock, hot chicks, and sexy cars. One that didn't care what you said about him, one that didn't care what you did to him. Even though his old self was trapped inside, screaming LET ME OUT. But Dean never turned back. Today was the first day he'd ever stopped and considered letting himself out or his internal cage.

"Are you busy tonight, Cas?"

"Not at all." He lied. He had so much work he was supposed to be doing, but his skin was vibrating against Dean's.

"Come by the firehouse at eight, I'll cook you dinner, and then steal you away for a perfect date... whilst still being on the firehouses property." Dean laughed, burrying his face into Castiel's hair. Nothing felt more perfect than this.

"We're here ladies, say your goodbyes, Dean has to get back to work." Bela informed them.

"Can I-" Before Dean could even finish his sentence, Cas' lips were on his. Chapped, wet, and absolutely perfect. It only lasted a few seconds before Bela started pulling the gurney out of the ambulance.

"I'll see you tonight, Dean!" He called as Bela pushed him away from Dean's view.

"I can't wait." He smiled to himself.

Fireworks were nothing compared to how that kiss felt. It felt like he'd finally found every part of himself that was missing. He was complete, filled himself with a blissful feeling that lasted for hours after that. He could still smell Castiel's shampoo. When Dean walked into the hospital to use the payphone, he was practically sailing. Garth could hear it in his voice when he asked for somone to come pick him up.

"Sure thing lover boy. How was the kiss?"

"It was the best three seconds of my life." he breathed, his mind was blank for the first time in a long, long time.

_"Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and just go where your heart takes you." Unknown._

Dean was in a mode between a cleaning panic and nervous pacing. He had to beg the guys to act civil tonight, having to bribe one or two of them. His body was vibrating with nerves, something about this felt too perfect, that terrified Dean. What if he wasn't smart enough, or as compelling? He has a high school diploma (barely.), never even bothering to apply for colleges. Dean knew he wouldn't be able to face the rejection letters.

Half way through sweeping the floor for the third time, he thought his brain was going to explode.

"Jesus Winchester, take your meds for once!" Victor shouted as he walked past Dean.

"Victor I'm not on any, you know that you ass!"

"Well you damn well should be you, you're a nervous wreck!" There was truth behind his words. He'd stopped taking the only medication he was ever on, as a teenager. Dean knew he should eventually see a psychiatrist again and at least get the ADD back under control so that he doesn't space in and out of reality, but he was terrified of being labeled a freak again. Being an adult doesn't change the fear of rejection nagging in the back of Dean's brain.

"Fuck you!" Dean yelled without any venom behind his words. Victor just smirked at him and left Dean with his ever racing thoughts.

The hours went by quickly while Dean had things to do. But by six oclock at night he'd run out of things to do, and was officially driving everyone insane with his worry. At first he kept his jumbled thoughts to himself until his outrageous worries spilled out into the fire station, finding everyone who had ears. In other words, everyone. Some people took it easier than others, like Garth and Matt, while others wanted to lock him in a closet until Castiel arrived. Maybe even until he was off shift. He'd gone from hot headed fireman to fourteen year old girl in less than a week. This would take some getting used to, if it even lasts. They'd never seen Dean bring someone around more than once when there was a sexual attraction. But here Dean was, practically having Castiel meet his family on the first date.

They assumed this was going to last, based on that very fact alone.

"Someone quiz me!" Dean yelled, pacing nervously in the main room, respectively going around the TV to avoid punches and verbal abuse. They were very serious about Tivoed football.

"Don't be stupid, kid, you can't quiz about someone you barely know." Rufus hushed, hand fishing in the chip bowl, eyes never leaving the screen. it always reminded Dean of highschool, he'd been the running back. His favorite player to this day is Marshawn Lynch, to this day. Though after those four years, he'd discovered why the back of his mind was always screaming quit. It was because he _hated _running. At least it had kept him in shape, without it he'd probably have never been able to become a firefighter. Wiry with a little chub in the tum, could have never carried people out of a burning building, one after another, never quitting till he saved every person he could.

"I'm going to change, fuck the uniform." Dean said, smirking at Rufus. Dean was famous for breaking every rule in the book, uniform being one of them. Rufus just put up with his insanity since he was a damn good fireman, and has saved more lives than some men can count.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" Rufus shouted at the same time that Garth called, "Awe, cmon' Dean, maybe he's got a fireman kink!" Every one groaned at Garth's comment. Jo would have cracked up to the point of tears at that one. Dean mentally noted to tell her later, since when he called her earlier while cleaning, she demanded to know every detail of the date the moment it ended.

Dean started tearing through his duffle bag trying to find something worthy a first date. Even worse, a date with Castiel. Literature teacher with the looks of the gods, how is he supposed to live up to that?

In the end he slipped into a hole filled pair of jeans and the only shirt that didn't have an oil or grease stain on it. It was a gray ACDC t-shirt. After getting dressed he got his old fashioned iPod out along with headphones. If he was going to have a hipster mp3 player, it wasn't going to be one that broke like a pussy. He had three brilliantly named playlists. Every day, Shame File, and Panicking. The names explain themselves quite well. When Sam asked what shame file meant, Dean had told him to just click it. He had, it was filled with Dean-approved music that was listened to by the popular public. So basically, Pop, and Punk Pop, along with a few slow songs that he wouldn't dare name. Though Sam had saw the word Kesha before Dean slapped the laptop closed and said 'go play outside little boy.'

"Do I look okay?" Dean asked shyly, they just motioned for him to leave, so he walked into the empty public bathroom. His shaking hands gripped the sink hard as he stared at himself. Veins coursing with adrenaline, and pure terror. His eyes were pinning slightly from the bright lights above him.

Dean didn't like the person he saw.

His head dropped. "I don't think I can do this." He muttered under his breath. Voices were bouncing through his skull, some were his mothers voice saying 'Dean you can do anything you put your mind to.', others were his father 'Boy, you'll never be anything respectable or worth any pride.' The loudest was his brothers. 'Dean, you can talk to me.'

Dean nearly sprinted to the phone, yelling "Move it, assbutts!" instead of the customary excuse me. Though no one said anything about that, just questioning his word choice.

He punched in the number he knew by memory, Sam Winchester of Sioux Falls.

"Yo, you've got me, what do you need and how much will it cost me?"

"You brat. Sam I asked Cas on a date, he's coming here, and freaking soon. At eight." The tone of his voice had fear in its cool overcoat. One headphone was still in his ear playing Led Zepplin. Go to calming song, which was slowing his heart rate if only by a little.

"Dude, you're already in love with this guy whether you're a man enough to realize or not. It's called love at first site. Believe me, he's head over heals two. The way you looked at each other was like you were fucking each other already."

"Way to turn a chickflick moment into a hard core porno. I've raised you well. Thanks, Sammy." Dean said smiling as someone walked into the room behind him.

"Is there a Dean here?" He asked somewhat loudly, so that the yelling men who were arguing over their fantasy football could hear him. The voice stopped Dean dead in his tracks, as well as his heart.

"Yeah, that's me." He squeaked, literally squeaked. Sam was laughing over the line. "Shut up Sam, I've got to go. Don't drink my beer or I'll kill you." He whispered fast before slamming the phone on the reciever.

Dean looked far less composed than when they met.

"Hey, Cas." He said shyly, closing the distance.

"Hello Dean." Cas felt just as disheveled as Dean looked.

"Oh, shit, dinner. I'll make it now, we can just hang out in the kitchen... If you want, of course."

Before Cas could answer, Victor shouteed his comment, "Dean was too busy panicking over you to remember to even seperate lights and colors. Now I've got pink everything!" Which made everyone laugh, even Cas. While Dean was blushing redder than a rose.

"That'd be perfect." Cas said warmly with a gentle smile that hushed all Dean's internal chatter. Dean's hand reached out, grabbing Castiel's.

"I'll show you the way, Teach'." Dean said teasingly with his gorgeous smile. He swore he could hear someone mutter the words 'get a room.' but he was too happy to care. Cas had came and he hadn't puked.

"Quick question, you eat fish? All we have besides veggies galore. They ate around the two. If not I can just or—"

"Fish is great, Dean. Breathe." Cas said soothingly, which helped more than any music ever could. He took a deep breath and nodded as they stepped into the kitchen. There was only one person in there, and of course it was the person Dean was the most worried about.

"So you're the guy he's been growing lady parts over!" Rufus exclaimed with a smoothie in his hand, sipping enthusiatically.

"Maybe? I'm not sure th—"

"Yes, okay Rufus, this is Cas. Will you go now? _Please_?" He begged, giving him the eye.

"Yeah, okay, you know the rule Winchester, no damn exception." Rufus warned as he walked out.

"What's the rule?" Cas asked curiously.

"No sex where anyone can catch you. Dont worry! This isn't just sex. Believe me, I don't do dates." Dean assured.

"Then...What is this? Friendly chat?" Cas frowned, taking a deep breath.

"Hell no! It's definitely a date, fuck I can't talk. What I mean is, I've never actually been into someone enough to ask them out. Let alone bring them to the firehouse around these apes." Dean said, looking as if he were going to pass out. Dean kept thinking to breathe but he was starting to think he was going to have a panic attack. This is a date, not something to panic about. Man up, Winchester, he thought.

"Wow.. How old are you?"

"Twenty-one, why? How old are you?" Heart rate was going faster and faster. He swore this guy was going to be the reason Dean dies early.

"Most people are in at least one relationship by twenty, even if they last less than a week. I'm twenty-four by the way." He answered. Heart rate slowing to an unsteady seventy-three.

"Yeah, well I'm one of the odd ones. That's too long of a story for the first date though, assuming there will be more." He laughed, rubbing his neck unsure.

"Unless you're a psycho murderer, I'd say it's safe to assume so." Castiel smiled.

"Okay, great." He grinned as he started grilling cod while Castiel chopped the vegetables.

"So, Cas, to make sure we're not psychos, let's get to know each other without all the first date small talk bullshit." Dean laughed.

"Okay, you start."

"Who the hell names their kid Castiel? No offense, I mean it's kinda hot but really?" Dean blushes when he realizes he'd just said the mans name was hot.

"It's actually after an angel, but thank you for the compliment," Dean was blushing even harder. "My Dad was some recluse writer so when I was nine they divorced and I went with my mother. She was supported by her grandparents until she died, she left me everything so I could raise Gabriel well, it pissed my siblings immensely. Which is how I'm here now!" Castiel explained.

"I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel better both mine are dead."

"It doesn't, but it's entirely sweet of you to try." Castiel's smile was unlike any other Dean had seen before. Maybe it was because of his lips, they were they were perpeturally chapped and how he licked them between turns of speaking.

"Why are you a firefighter?" Castiel asked, trying to change thee topic.

"Horrible topic changer, teach. She died in a fire, I did road work for a little while till I could buy a wrecked house for Sam and I. Refused to let the state take him, fought tooth and nail. Did everything to show I was suitable even though I wasn't. After road work, I took the job here like I'd always wanted. I'd thought that if I had a job here they'd think I'd randomly die and Sam would end up back in the system."

"That sounds awful. Honestly since we can't get off the topic of death do you just want for us both to explain? Out in the open?"

Dean gulped and said something he'd never thought he'd say. "Yes."

"Well, my mother had ovarian cancer. It took a long time, it was hard for everyone. No one knows about my father, my two older siblings never tried to, neither did I. Gabriel isn't old enough to legally try anything but says he doesn't care, doesn't have a single memory of him." He shrugged, handing the cutting board of vegetables to Dean who dumped them in a pan to saute.

"I'm so sorry about your mother. My dad was around until I was eighteen, unfortunately—" Dean pauses to check Castiel's reaction. He looked taken aback.

"He was a really bad guy. Real depressed, real drunk, and real mad. Never touched Sam though, thank god." Dean breathed, with a small smile of relief. He didn't see Cas' face mirror Dean's pain.

"Did he touch you?" He asked, moving closer so that they were side to side.

"Doesn't matter, Cas."

Castiel twisted Dean's body towards him, their faces inches apart.

"You don't think you matter, do you?" Dean's eyes were wide with shock and terror. He hadn't let anyone into his barrier, his heart beat shot past eighty easily as he hyperventilated. This time he knew there was no stopping it.

"I—I'm having a panic attack." He gasped out, bolting out the back door so no one else would see him. He eventually found himself outside, running from the firehouses small property onto the park neighboring it. Cas wasn't far behind. Dean couldn't calm his thoughts nor breaths. His body felt like it was on fire and everything inside him told him to keep running and never stop. But he did, collapsing in the middle of the park onto his back. Every negative thought he had about himself and the world came to surface, drowning every other thought he'd ever had. No happiness, just thick black goo. He felt like he was choking, drowning in water that wasn't there, until Cas pulled him up. He was kneeling on his knees between Dean's legs, as he grasped Dean's shoulders.

"Dean, breathe slowly. Tell me about your Sam, in class he's studious. Tell me all about him."

Dean dragged in a ragged breath, "He's a good kid. Really good, applying to Stanford. But he's a little shit at the same time." Dean managed to laugh, making Cas grin.

"Good, good. Tell me about what you do for fun?"

"What do you mean?"

"Fun, Dean. You know you can have it, right?" Cas laughed, squeezing Dean's shoulder.

"Of course I know," Dean scoffed. "I just.. I don't really have hobbies. Work, eat, sleep, Sam. Sometimes I work at my Uncle Bobby's mechanic shop, I love it but it's still work. Before you ask, no he's not actually my uncle. More of a father figure. Taught me all the stuff your old man is supposed to. Ride a bike, talk to a girl and in my case both genders, and especially how to work on cars. I took to that like water. The other two, not so much." Dean rambled on and on about Bobby and Sam, as well as when he worked as a mechanic, never really touching the subject of his actual job. He kept talking long after the panic attacked stopped, he'd just learned he really liked talking to Cas. But he also really liked to have someone to listen.

"So Mr. Novak, you tell me about you now." Dean said as Cas layed next to him in the grass, no space between them with their fingers interlaced. Maybe Bela was right, more like a couple than some couples. But it didn't stop them in the slightest.

"Well I was going to be a librarian but found teaching more exciting, so I got the joy of books and the excitement of teaching!" Castiel laughed, Dean stared at Castiel intently with a giant goofy smile on his face, listening to every word that came out of Cas' mouth.

"My college experience wasn't like most peoples. I mean I did go to parties and had friends, but I was more of a by myself kind of person, studied a lot, and had a part time job so I was pretty busy."

"What were you like in high school?" Dean asked turning his face to Cas'.

"Nerdy, scrawny guy. I didn't fill out till I was twenty, late bloomer like you wouldn't believe. When I was graduating high school she told me she accepted me for my skinny, short, self. That was extremely embarassing. But here I am, six feet with a damn good runners body. What about you?"

"Hmm. Well I was a football player but I was different, believe it or not I'm pretty smart. The counselor sent me in for testing because my grades were so bad. I scored One-fourty-six. I'd pay to see the counselors face again. Apparently it was the ADD going rampid since I stopped taking the meds. I've learned to deal with it. Only a few friends, didn't mind. A lot of hook ups though." Dean admitted.

"I believe that you're smart, the way you hold yourself. You're articulate when you're not being lazy. But why did you stop taking your meds?"

"At first because my Dad refused to pay for them anymore, but then I started telling myself that's not why, it's because I don't want to be a freak. Eventually I believed it. I don't take them now because I'm afraid it'd affect work, and all of my extra money is going to Sammy's college fund. Stanford ain't cheap, teach."

"Believe me, I know. I was going to apply but then saw then number, my eyes about buldged out."

"God, me too. I gotta admit though, it'll be really hard when he leaves. I've been with him my whole life. Then suddenly there will be this whole in my life. First time I'll ever be alone, you know? He's been my rock instead of me being his. If you havent noticed, I'm ninety percent crap. All the cocky, arogant, self confidence. I'm a nervous wreck on wheels, with the same level of self loathing as an ocean of depressed teenage girls. Honestly. I have nightmares and panic attacks, and am emotionally unstable. Now to make me feel better list your worst flaws as well."

"Hmm, I eat way too much, I snore, I cry over sad romantic movies, and I obviously fall for someone way too easily." They started to lean into each other before a downful of flash rain started to soak ever inch of them. The air was thick with the water, and as they were standing they were already soaked.

"Call me at the station tomorrow, we can set up a real date!" Dean shouted over the roaring thunder.

"Most definitely, I'd really love that, the real Dean Winchester."

"I can't wait, the real Castiel Novak."

Dean tipped Cas' face up to his own, kissing him properly this time. Long, wet (not counting the rain), and indescribable. Their toungues explored each others mouths and they melded like they were made for each they parted, both of them were panting. Both of them started jogging to the firehouse where Cas' car was parked. But jogging turned into a race. Cas may be a fast runner but Dean had literally been trained for fast running. They didn't call him Unstoppable Winchester for nothing. The Marshawn Lynch of high school football.

"Slow down, asshole!"

"I was a runner back, baby! I could do this all day!" Dean shouted back.

Baby. He liked the sound of that. He wondered if Cas had noticed.

He had. And he liked it too.


	3. You're Not a Burlar!

Mr Novak 3

I know this took forever (in my terms) but school comes first, ew i know. Believe it or not I have a social life sorta. But I'll try to update every week or two. In a perfect world I would sit around and write this story all day every day. But now I only have a few hours a day for it. I'm a slow writer guys.

Also, no one take offense to the nutcase comment. Again also, this little 'trip' is again something I've lived. Ambien is a funny thing man.

Time jumps, ew I know. But fyi its the middle towards the end of october now. missed a few weeks to get to the real meat of the story, but youll be caught up real quick. I will try my hardest to do any more major time jumps. ilu guys. Also, what Dean goes through in this chapter is completely possible. Hell it happened to me a few days ago, minus a baseball bat. Youll see. For those of you who don't know, this story has a planned sequel. Though thats far into the future. Just know this verse will be around for a while. SeptemberDownpour!Verse. Lastly, this chapter may seem rushed, weird and OOC but itll pull together, hang with me. Lastly, I've created an 8track for this story, some of the songs wont make sense until it slaps you in the fuckin face.  /xz13VK enjoy!

"_The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..." _

― _Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight_

Dean felt happier than he had in his entire life. It's been a few weeks since that night on the park grass, but it has been the time of his life. Mundane every day tasks were fun with Cas, sitting in silence was blissful, anything was perfect when they were together. Everyone knew things were starting to get serious when Dean was showing up on the schedule less and less. His six days dropped to four, or three. Smiled more than they had ever seen Dean smile, and was turning into a better person overall. The change had been subtle after the first date. Dean reverted to his cocky self with more moments of sincerity and happiness. But every call, text, or night spent in Castiel's bed changed him. Eyes were brighter, laugh was louder, emotions were real, and his heart was lighter.

So waking up next to Castiel that lazy Saturday morning was like a dream. Though what interupted his dream was like a personal nightmare named Joanna Beth Harvelle, and she has a mission.

"What the hell, Jo! I'm not going with you, I'm not your pack mule!" Dean said in a hushed tone while Cas pulled him back from his sitting position, placing lazy kisses on Dean's shoulder, making Dean grin despite his annoyance with Jo.

"Do you remember what happened last time? You took me to Mall of America when we were on vacation and then you left me there, with all your stuff! Not again." Castiel couldn't help but offer a sleepy grin as Jo's yelling was spilling out of the phone. Something about a IOU from high school. That shut Dean up imediately.

"What time do I have to pick you up?"

"I'll be there, one hour. Polish your devil horns, there will be real people there." Dean retorted, hanging up his new cell phone.

"I owe you, huh? What's that all about?" Castiel asked, arm resting lazily over Dean's bare chest.

"Oh god, I hoped you hadn't heard her. In my senior year, they said anyone who pulled a prank wouldn't recieve their diploma. So of course I pulled a prank, testing their limits. Nailed the classroom doors shut, and the principals office, as well as the teachers lounge. They had to cancel school for a day to get them all out. Jo covered for me, saying I was with her and her mom. Graduated like a good little camper." Dean smirked.

"Wow, how did that evil genius turn into my giant teddy bear." Cas teased, making Dean blush.

"Now you're getting cheesy, I better go, pick up some clothes and tell Sam where to find my dead body." Dean joked, well semi joked, and kissed Castiel as he begrudgingly peeled himself from the bed. This became like a ritual, Friday and Saturday had become their days, Sam would whole heartedly push him out the door every Friday afternoon upon arriving home. Dean would come home Sunday morning and spend some time with Sam before his work week started all over again. It definitely wasn't average, but for them, it was perfect.

"Dinner, tonight, you, me, sex. Get pumped!" Dean joked. Well half joked. Maybe if he played his cards right.

"I'll miss you." Cas yawned, waving at Dean as he left the bedroom while he was pulling on his clothes.

"Miss you more!" He yelled as he left the house, not caring that he was probably bothering the sleeping in Gabriel, who had already complained about the noise last night, and they hadn't even been having sex.

When Dean arrived at his own home, Sam was up making himself breakfast while reading a book. Though when Dean first saw him he'd been holding Dean's baseball bat yelling 'You broke into the wrong house, jackass!' Needless to say, Sam hadn't expected to see Dean. Hence the now brewing concussion. Shopping and a concussion, his day was looking swell. Though waking up on the floor with Sam holding a bat yelling his name was definitely a highlight. Not. The dizziness and pain just put icing on his cake.

"What are you even doing here?" Sam asked as he passed his older brother an ice pack, the one that Ash and him had decorated themselves while drunk. 'If you're using this then you're a little bitch!' with sharpie sparkles all over. The sad part was that this ice pack has been used many times since then, assorted injuries and horrible Sunday mornings.

"Jo pulled out her IOU from high school, so now I get to spend my Saturday in a busy mall looking at panties with Jo instead of having se-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" Sam yelled, sticking his fingers in his ears, making Dean smirk wildly.

"Alright, Virgin Mary, what are you doing today?"

"Planning on going out with Jess today actually, then hanging out with Gabe." Sam smiled.

"Great, you'll be getting it in while Jo tries to get me into a dress. I hate you, bitch."

"Jerk. What should I take her to do?" Sam asked looking nervous, biting his lip.

"Not a movie, definitely not a movie. Take her to that amusement park, don't puke in her purse and you'll be sailing." Dean grinned, adjusting the ice on his aching head. Drunk Dean was screaming little bitch in the backround of his mind.

"Well I wasted all my last moments of freedom, I'll be home tonight, call if you think you'll be out past curfew." They'd always had an easy unsaid agreement. Sam will be treated like an adult if he acts like one. So far, they haven't had a problem. Dean knows if he'd been raised by a sibling he would have been running rampid, even more so than he already had.

His head was still pounding as he knocked on Jo's door, he hadn't even listened to music on the way over. So her voice, while he loved her, was like an ice pick to his head.

"Dude, what happened to you?" Jo asked as she slid into the passenger seat.

"Short story, Sam thought I was a burgular and hit me with my bat, I used to sneak in all the time Saturday mornings. When did my life become so predictable?"

"When you met the hottest gay man in the state of South Dakota, and all surrounding states." Jo said simply, taking a sip of her coffee, despite Dean's rule about coffee in the car, after she'd dumped hot coffee all over Dean when he slammed the breaks.

"True. So what's the occassion?"

"What do you mean?" Jo asked, confusion written all over her face.

"Whenever you take me somewhere alone there's usually an adjenda. Breaking bad news, interrogations, distraction, I can go on. So just tell me, Jo. I'm a big boy, I can take it."

"I think we're both predictable, now. I've barely seen you since you and Cas started seeing each other so _seriously..."_

"Jo I can hear it in your voice. Just tell me what you're thinking." Dean said, pulling into a parking space at the busy mall.

"Ash and I are worried you're going to get hurt. Dean you're falling hard and fast, this is your first love. We don't want to have to pick up the pieces after a few months." Jo said honestly, with a frown on her face.

"It's not like that." It wasn't. Dean was sure. For once in his life he was so sure that even as he was jumping off into the deep end, he wouldn't drown. Not even worried that he didn't know how to swim. Everything about this was new, but it felt right. With all the wrong he's had in his life, it's nice to have something right.

There was no nagging feeling in Dean's gut as he followed Jo around the mall, because for once, Dean was right.

"How does this look?" Jo asked, emerging from a fitting room wearing a summer dress despite it being colder than balls.

"You'll freeze to death, don't be stupid." Dean said bluntly with a smile, returning back to his book. Someone at the station bought it as a gag gift for Dean, being a love story between two men, but it was actually quite good. Not that he'd admit that. He was reading it for science.

"You know what, I brought the wrong gay friend." Jo stated, slamming the changing the fitting room door.

"I'm you're only gay friend! I'm not even gay!" He retorted, making Jo snort.

"Yeah, okay, bisexual. We at first thought you did that for more sex, but here you are shacking up with some teacher living in some fucked up form of domestic bliss. You are fucking a man monagomasly now. Own up, Winchester!" Jo fought, as Dean heard the sound of a zipper.

"Why do I even hang out with you?"

"Because I'm the best you'll ever get." She said as she stepped out of the dressing room. She was in a longer more formal dress, "What do you think?" Deans eyes were wide.

"You look absolutely amazing, Jo." He gaped. "What's the occasion?"

"I have a date, tonight!"

"Oh really? Who's the lucky guy?" Jo winced, preparing her response.

"Ash."

"Ash as in mullet man, whom happens to be my best friend?"

"Hey I thought I was your best friend!" Jo pouted, completely missing the point. Or avoiding it all together.

"You both are. What if it doesn't work, then it'll be awkward and I'll be running between you with ice cream and ammunition." God his friends had weird ways of dealing with their issues.

"Well now we're even about doubting each others relationships." She huffed, "Ash and I are big kids, you can't play daddy anymore sweetie." She smiled, kissing Dean's cheek before heading back into the dressing room as Dean's cell phone rang, with the dreaded word. Work, aparently three guys had the flu and they needed Dean to come in for an unexpected fourty eight. He'd have Monday night off before returning to work.

"Jo can I trust you to drive my car back and not break any hearts?" Dean asked, waving his keys over the dressing room door.

"No promises!" She exclaimed, grasping the keys before Dean could change his mind. Matt would be coming to pick him up infront of Macy's. Looks like wouldn't be having dinner with Cas tonight after all.

They say after a concussion to never sleep. Dean thought he'd be sitting in the station struggling to stay awake. But as his two day shift was coming to a close, he felt more awake than anyone ever should. Kicker was, he hadn't been asleep since waking up with Sam yelling, worried he'd killed his older brother. Not even a microsecond of sleep. No one else noticed, just thought he'd gone to bed late and woken up early, since that was a pattern of his. He'd gotten more done in the past two days than he has in weeks. Problem was, he felt like he was losing his mind by the time he laid down in bed Monday night, praying sleep would come. Instead, sleep deprivation kicked in and he was technically legally insane. Though he didn't tell a soul. He realized there was a serious problem Tuesday morning as he was getting ready for work and he heard whispering in his room that truly wasn't there. That didn't stop him from going into work. But when Rufus called him into his office, he broke.

"What the hell do you mean you haven't slept in three days?" He barked, making Dean feel as if he were shrinking as the man stood up. Dean's body felt awful, his jaw hurt from constantly grinding his teeth, his muscles were screaming for his to stop, and he couldn't do anything to change it. After three days he literally looked like he was on the brink of death, dark bags, shaking, sunken cheeks. It wasn't healthy. The headache based from the site of the blow had never wavered. Not even three times the limit of over the counter migraine pills helped. Talking to Castiel over the phone was literally painful, and not in the sweet romantic sense.

"I'm pretty sure the words 'I haven't slept in three days.' were pretty clear, Rufus." Dean said sarcastically, but then when Rufus' eyes widened he wished he hadn't.

"Did you drive here?"

"What? Of course I did!" Dean said as if it were obsurd.

"Give me your keys. You could have gotten yourself killed, son." Rufus said with a pained expression that struck Dean in all the wrong places in that moment of vulnerability.

"Maybe I deserve it! Maybe this is fucking karma! I'm a bad person Rufus, we all fucking know that. You've always known me, don't you lie to me. Don't pity me." Dean spat, throwing his keys on the desk. His mind was asking why all this anger was coming to a head, but his mouth just kept running, leaving Rufus shocked and genuinely scared Dean would do something really stupid. Maybe Dean would, the whispering was like shouting now, telling him the reasons he was a horrible person.

"People love you Dean. Even if you can't see it with that thick skull of yours. Call someone to come get you to take you to the hospital or I'm having an ambulance bring you in." Dean had never heard Rufus sound more pained.

"I'm not going to the hospital!" Dean fought, even though the sane part of his brain was screaming for help. He was out of control. That was how Dean ended up forefully sedated on the floor of Rufus' office to a slightly more sane version of himself. Bela had to inject him to anti-psychotics, but he waved medical attention from the fire department, calling someone to come get him instead. The fact that he had to be sedated was embarrassing enough.

"Jo, you're going to hate me. But I need you to come get me from work and take me to the hospital. I don't want to have to be brought in by the ambulance, I already had to be pinned to the floor." Dean whispered, utterly embarassed. Bela was shocked that the medication hadn't knocked him unconcious, like it did with most people. Especially with the dose. But he was still concious, not extremely present, but concious.

"What? Dean what happened?"

"Bela said it was a type of psychotic break due to sleep deprivation. I'm already embarrassed, please don't tell Cas." He whimpered into the phone, he felt guilty and embarrassed. He mouthed apologies to Rufus, who squeezed his shoulder, as if to say 'You've already been forgiven.'

"I'm coming right now. You should have told someone, Dean." She said, he could hear her starting her car before she hung up.

"Rufus I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Dean. You heard Bela, no one should go that long without sleep. We're going to get you fixed up real quick. I'm taking you off the schedule till Monday, tell me if you need more time, alright?" Rufus said, sitting down next to Dean. He nodded in understandment, but his embarrassment didn't fade. It isn't every day that Denan Winchester has a balistic meltdown at work. Out of all the horrible things he'd done, this was the worst. Screaming at a father figure who didn't deserve it, listening to the demons trapped inside his brain.

But at least there was only one voice in his head now, thankfully it was his own. Sometimes, Bela stabbing him in the ass with a needle was a good thing.

Castiel's day was by far different. He'd woken up on his kitchen table hungover and regretting Anna's engagement party with all his life. Today was definitely going to be one of Mr. Novak's "I'm so sick I can't go to work but I actually have a massive hangover." Type of todays. It wasn't like Castiel to get drunk, well really drunk. On a school night was like a meteor shower in the middle of the day. He hadn't even planned on getting drunk. Honestly. But after seeing his sister reaching milestone after milestone, he needed a drink. Or a few shots. Either way, he was down for the count before things got sappy, then woke to Gabriel saying to wake up and drive him to school. Gabriel hadn't gotten his drivers license yet, the state of South Dakota is thankful. He hit a pole the first try. Six tries later Castiel's just glad his car still works.

"Can't, hurt, dead." Cas complained, wishing he had a blanket to pull over his head to protect him from the sunlight. Instead of that he had his balled up trench coat and his floppy, not nearly long enough hair to cover his eyes.

Yet several guilt trips later, he finds himself sitting in his desk infront of a class of loud and obnoxious seniors. All he wanted was to scream to shut up, but he would rather keep his job. Maybe he should ask Crowley how he gets away with it all.

"Everyone, I want you to write a short story, a modern version of a classic novel or play. You'll have all period for this story, but after that it's on your own time. It's due Friday, please don't spend all period talking. I'll turn on the music, and for the love of God if I get one more pornographic short story there will be more than a detention!" Castiel said with a stern voice, like that grumpy old teacher from high school. Wait. Today, that's _him_. But Castiel really can't handle another sex story. Though he had to admit the fanfiction story was rather entertaining. Who knew slash fiction could be nice. He remembered it was titled "John meets Sherlock."

Most of his classes were spent with his head on his desk and coffee cups in hand. Castiel felt he'd taken a page from Crowley's book of horrible teaching. In the middle of his lecture during AP Lit for seniors, his phone rang. Normally he'd have it on silent, so this was an embarrassing mistake.

Jo?

"I cant talk, I'm in class." He said in a hushed tone. He felt like a student in that moment. Especially since he could see Meg pulling out her phone to send out a text message.

"Cas, man, it's important. Dean."

"Is he hurt?" His voice cracked. Dean was working today. This was like a nightmare.

"No! No. Well, maybe. It's.. It's much more complicated. We're in the ER right now, he's getting his head scanned. Dean doesn't know I'm calling you, just please get down here. He's literally past his breeaking point. I'm begging you."

"I- Yes, of course. I'll be there as soon as possible." He squeaked, hanging up the phone.

"Um, class. I'm having a personal emergency. I'm going to contact the office, use your time wisely." He felt like he was shriveling up into a little ball. The teacher who came in to relieve him was Balthazar, one of Castiel's closest friends. They'd grown up together. So when he saw Cas looking so weak and fragile, all he wanted to do was to leave this classroom to help him. Balthazar may be a selfish bastard and a cocky man, but he does genuinely care about his friends.

"What's wrong, Cas?" He asked as Castiel passed him the lesson plan, looking ready to bolt.

"Dean's in the hospital, I don't know. I have to go."

Castiel barrelled down the streets of Sioux Falls.

"Do you live a high stress life style?" Dean stared at the doctor with a bitch face that was much like his brothers.

"Doc, I'm a firefighter raising a teenager. What the hell do you think?" Jo slapped his arm but he just rolled his eyes. This doctor has been asking stupid questions since he walked into the emergency room. Do you eat regularly, do you engage in risky behaviours, have you had any major personality changes.

"Mr. Winchester, we're only covering all the bases. Do you struggle with depression or anxiety?" Dean opened his mouth to answer but Jo beat him to it.

"He's panic prone, and he was depressed in high school, I'm not sure about now though."

"Jo!" He hissed, face reddening.

"Dean dammit, there's something wrong, be honest with the man or I will." Jo threatened.

"Fine, fine," He growled. "I've never been diagnosed with anything but I have panic attacks and have been depressed."

"Why do you believe you're experiencing those things?" Dean internally groaned.

"Friggin' hell. I was fuckin' beat, alright? My parents are dead for christ sake, who would't be a wee bit upset?" Dean snarled. The anger was slowly coming back. But not for psychotic reasons. He doesn't talk about these things for a reason.

"Well we're going to be referring you to a psychiatrist for that, and for this episode." The doctor slurred. "Have you had any head injuries recently?"

"N- Wait yes. My brother hit me in the head with a baseball bat because he thought I was a burgular." When he said it outloud, it sounded worse.

"Have you experienced any syptoms along the line of a concussion? Headache, dizziness, brainfog?"

"Fuck, definitely. My head hasn't stopped hurting since, all of the above. That's when I stopped sleeping."

"Hmm... Considering your scans, I'd say this is post-concussion sydrome. Next time, Mr. Winchester, please come to the ER imediately after a concussion. This could have been prevented. I'm writing down the number of a wonderful psychiatrist upstairs, and prescribing Ambien for sleep as well as pain medication for your head. Sound alright, Mr. Winchester?" Before he could answer, a nurses head popped in.

"Excuse me, there's a visitor for Mr. Winchester." She said in a high pitch voice.

"Mr. Winchester, do you mind if we keep talking with your visitor in here or do you prefer this?" Dean wasn't even sure who it was. Probably Sam.

"They can come in." He said nervously as the doctor handed him the scripts and referral. A few moments later, tall, dark and sex haired walked into the room, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw Dean unharmed. He didn't think twice about grabbing Dean's face and kissing him like it was his first breath of oxygen in a thousand years. Dean could feel the relief and residue of fear in the kiss as he reached his hand up and cupped Cas' cheek until the doctor awkwardly coughed.

"Anyway. We'd like to keep you in the hospital overnight to make sure you don't have any weird side effects to the sleeping medication, it has the tendency to make people act strange, and sleep walk."

"Hell no. I hate the hospital. My brother can watch me. No way in hell I'm staying here." Dean remembers the last time he'd been to this hospital. It was to identify his dead father.

"Is your brother of age?" Dean shook his head. He wasn't staying here. No way.

"He can stay with me!" Cas offered, Dean squeezed his hand, letting go of the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Well, if I can't convince you to stay here, than please pick up your meds from our pharmacy and call the psychiatrist sooner rather than later. I don't want to see you end up worse off than you already are." He quipped, leaving the room.

"I didn't know you were coming." Dean said, with a smile. All the shame he felt melted away with Cas' hand in his own.

"I didn't know you weren't okay," He deadpanned. Dean walked out of the room mouthing something about privacy.

"Long story short? I got a concussion that made me didn't sleep for three days, which made me have a really embarrassing meltdown infront of everyone. I got pinned to the floor and injected with drugs in the ass." He could still feel where the needle had pricked. Cas gave a small nod and gestured to the notes in Dean's hand.

"And those?"

"Meds and a psych referral. You're officially dating a nutcase, Cas." Dean gave an emotionless laugh.

"Dean Winchester, you are not a nutcase."

"You don't even know what it's for!"

"I don't have to. I know you."

Dean's taken drugs before. Medical, and non-medical. That's something he'll admit to. But nothing could compare to the pill he'd just taken. Ambien. It wasn't a high persay. It was more like a wacked out version of reality. Maybe high actually was the right word.

So laying next to Castiel that night had a certain adventure neither of them had expected.

"Caaaaas. Let's have sex!" Dean moaned, holding himself up over Cas' chest. Dean started kissing along Cas' jaw, down his neck and chest with a cheeky smile.

"Dean, jesus go to bed, we can have sex tomorrow." Cas grumbled, despite the tightness in his boxers.

"Let's have sex toniiiiight." Dean pouted, staring Cas in the eyes. His eyes were droopy and his smile lazy but bright.

"Lay down or we won't have sex at all." Cas threatened, it was an empty threat. Dean grumbled and flopped back next to Cas.

"Cas, did you know that koalas have two of their genitilia?"

"Dean, where the hell did you learn that?" Cas asked, eyes bugging. That was easily the most strange topic change he'd ever heard. It also killed his errection. No one wants to hear about koala genitilia while having dirty fantasies about their boyfriend.

"Animal planet. When I was little and my dad was gone, which was a lot, I'd plop Sam infront of it and watch it with him." Their fingers interlaced.

"Dean don't say anything you'll regret." Cas warned.

"That's the weird thing! I don't regret anything when I'm with you, all this crap I carry around just kinda floats away. I've never felt so comfortable with someone, honestly. Not even my best friends. My life was honestly in the toilet, I was sad and lonely. Then a cute guy walks into the bar and suddenly everythings changed."

Cas just smiled.

"The best way I could describe it would be like my heart was frozen. Then came you." Dean smiled at Cas like he was his whole world.

Ambien has a funny way of making you pour out the truth.

"Cas, I think I'm in love with you."

Cas didn't say anything in response, just kissed Dean who soon after drifted off to sleep. He slept for fourteen hours.


	4. Drunk, Stupid, and Lovesick

Mr Novak 4

"_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close." _

― _Pablo Neruda,_

Waking up the next morning was strange. It was about ten-fourty-five. No Cas, just a strange smell, that smelled just like Cas. He had to call the psychiatrist, since he'd bothered Dean about it in passing. Dean punched in the numbers with an eye roll. After four rings, someone picks up.

"Hello, this is Matthew Higgins office. What do you need?" He was straight to the point. No more beating around the bush, asking obscure questions. Maybe this won't be so horrible.

"Hello, I was referred because I had a psychotic break yesterday due to not sleeping for three days."

"Hmm. I have a cancelation for today at four. Would that work?"

"Yes! That's perfect!"

"Please bring a friend or family member. We need perspective."

"I've got it, doc. We'll see you at four." There was no response, aside the dial tone. The man had an undertone of arrogance, and they haven't even met. Scratch earlier thought, this will probably be awful.

After a few minutes of laziness, Dean started cleaning the Novak home. Purposefully avoiding Gabe's room. Who knew what was in there, stink bombs, flash bangs, maybe even a bucket of water over the door. With the infamous trickster, you never knew.

Dean padded around Cas' place for a while after stealing one of Cas' t-shirts, he really didn't have anywhere else to be. He sent Cas a text asking if he was busy at four, unfortunately he didn't recieve the response he'd been hoping for. Cas has a few parent conferences for students who have been acting unruly. Sam was going out with Jess after school, so Dean knew who he had to ask. He'd ask Ash but that's not a first impression he'd like to make. Ash isn't one who cleans up very well, it was impossible to do so with a mullet. Calling Jo felt like the walk of shame on a Sunday morning.

"Hey, Dean. Whatcha need? Will it cost me?" Dean rolled his eyes as he looped around the house one more time before deciding he was going to go home and clean, get things done. He wrote down a note for Castiel, 'At the doctors, call you tonight, Dean. If theres an emergency I'm in Dr. Higgins office in room three hundred fifty-seven.' Then plopped it on Cas' pillow.

"Why does everyone always think I need money? I'm seeing that psychiatrist, he said I need to bring someone, everyone else has been ruled out. Are you busy at four?" Dean bit his lip nervously, he didn't want to have to beg Bobby to come to some psych doctor and talk about his friggin feelings with him. At least Jo knows some fucked up shit about Dean, so knowing his feelings about said fucked up shit wouldn't be so life damaging.

"I'm supposed to do inventory but I'll skip out for your pretty Ken doll face. Pick me up at the bar at three-thirty. Don't be late!" She said, her voice was laden with something that sounded like excitement. Dean didn't know why. Jo did though, she would finally be able to get all of Dean's inner demons taken care of. He doesn't deserve to have to walk around with such a weight.

Dean felt like he'd been punched in the gut when he pulled up to his garage door. In bright red paint there was one word written across, the letters bold and huge.

Coward.

But what made his self esteem significantly drop was when he checked for the mail. There were dozens of print outs saying Cowardly Faggot, as well as adult gay to straight camp brochures. He tossed them in the recycling bin and ran inside, feeling embarrassed and like he was going to be ill. This felt like some high school prank with an adults mind.

Sent at 12:27

To: Castiel.

Are you busy right now?

Dean felt bad about texting Cas during work, he really did. He also felt selfish and self absorbed among other things. He knew Cas had a lot to do this past week, so bothering him during work for the second time in one day was bad in Dean's book.

Received at 12:32

From: Castiel

Kinda. You okay, Dean?

No. He really wasn't, not in the slightest. But he didn't respond. Not with a lie, or anything at all. He just deleted the conversation feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. Dean mentally noted to not bother Cas at work anymore. Instead he dialed Jo's number for the second time that day.

"Dean? I thought it wasn't for a few hours?"

"It's not." His voice was raw like he'd eaten a handfull of glass and gravel. Jo picked up on that.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. Are you busy?" Dean felt like he'd said that a lot today.

"Not too busy for you, Ken Doll. I'll be over asap." He wondered how Jo always read him like a book. Him being the worn out, falling apart book behind the shelf of newer and better books.

"No! No. Uh, I'll come to the bar. Just not my house, not my house." His voice was pleading. Which worried Jo more than usual.

"Now it's not a choice. I'll be there soon."

Dean turned his phone off after that.

Waiting for Jo felt like watching the clock during high school on the last day before summer break. Long, frustrating, and plain horrible. He knew how Jo would react. Anger, mostly. With frustration and eventually ending up apologizing with a big hug and offering tequila.

Dean had been right about most of it. Just not the hug. Apparently she was too angry, and she'd hug him tonight after the doctors appointment when she was drunk enough to calm down, not wanting to find the assholes and rip their throats out. Dean didn't feel angry at all, which shocked Jo. He just felt ashamed of himself.

Two power shots of tequila later, Dean had started to wish he hadn't done this on an empty stomach, the doctor is going to think he's an alcoholic. Least he wouldn't be an anxiety ridden mess. But he that didn't stop him from knocking back another. Power shots had a lot more alcohol, so in most terms he'd had about five shots. This wasn't going to end well. He could already feel it hitting him.

"Did you tell Cas?" Jo asked, flipping through channels. She'd finally stopped trying to wash the garage door, mentally noting to buy paint remover on the way back from the psychiatrist.

"I was going to, I asked him if he was busy, when he said kinda I didn't respond. Turned my phone off after I talked to you." Jo looked at his like he'd just told him he'd set his own tie on fire.

"Are you insane?" She asked, slightly louder than needed.

"Maybe?" He said, trying to avoid the topic.

"You already opened the door with your stupidity and let it hit you on the way out. Turn your freaking phone on and apologize! He's probably worried!"

"Jo, one missed response won't worry him." He wasn't one hundred percent sure. It'd worry him if Cas asked if he was busy then never responded.

"Dean, don't be a fucking idiot. You don't ask that then never respond. It's asking for trouble!" Dean was in the process of turning on his phone as Jo yelled at him.

Received 12:38

From: Castiel

Dean?

Received 12:45

From: Castiel

Can you freaking respond? You've already given me one stroke in less than two days. I don't want another.

2 Missed Calls.

1 Voicemail

"Dean, you're worrying me. I'm literally standing in a bathroom stall at work trying to reach you, can you just call me back and tell me what's wrong? I'm pretty sure I'm giving a ninth grader a nervous bladder."

Dean felt like a bigger jerk than he already had.

Sent at 1:36

To: Castiel

I'nm rerally sorry.

Received at 1:39

From: Castiel

No explanation? Just a text apology? Dean I will sex starve you if you don't explain what the hell is going on.

Sent at 1:43

To: Castiel

I've hade a realley bad day, babe. Please don't b4e mad

Received at 1:45

From: Castiel

Are you drunk? Seriously?

Sent at 1:46

To: Castiel

Mahybe a litttle.

Jo took the phone from Dean after that.

Sent at 1:47

To: Castiel

It's Jo. After work swing by his house. He'll be at his psych appointment, but itll explain why he's a slobbering mess. He wasn't supposed to drink this much anyway.

Received at 1:54

From: Castiel

Just don't let him drive.

She plugged the phone into the charger before going out to the recycling bin and retrieved the print outs and brochures, and threw them on the ground infront of the garage door with a note saying 'Go home, Castiel.' She may like Cas, she does, truly. But he wasn't the one mending Dean's broken heart today.

Dean has a bad habit of making a mess into chaos when he's drunk. Sure there were some dirty dishes, misplaced magazines, and empty coffee cups littered everywhere. But this was like a tornado has gone through his house. His friends and family knew that, they lived it since he was fifteen. So when Jo finally drug Dean out of the house with her coffee card in hand, the house was an utter wreck. He'd dumped out his laundry basket, broken a mug, and left a chair overturned.

"Dont you think this is all a little selfish?" Balthazar asked, swirling creamer into his awful teachers lounge coffee. They were both waiting for parents to arrive for conferences.

"Balth, this is what relationships are. I know if I'm there for him, he'll be there for me in return. I don't want to see him hurt, I know getting that call from Jo nearly killed me. You saw me!" His voice cracked.

"You're going through a shit load too. Cas you've only been here since the start of this school year. That's not a lot of time to just move on, no matter how many hot fire fighters parade into your bed. You were a wreck when you first got here. Do you not remember that?"

"Of course I remember! It just.. Everything is easier to deal with when I'm with him. That's got to mean something, right?"

"Sure it does but that doesn't mean you don't have some healing to do as well. You're not getting drunk over god knows what. Not much can happen in a few hours, Cas!" Cas tried to remind himself Balthazar was just trying to look out for him, but it didn't mean his white hot anger was invalid.

"Dean has gone through his own mountain of bullshit too, Balthazar. I'm pretty sure you weren't the one seeing him wake up in the middle of the night, screaming. I may not know much of his story, but you can't fake that much pain." Cas snapped.

"Fair enough. Does he even know what happened to you?" He questioned, adding a considerable amount of sugar to his coffee before opening the door for the both of them.

"No. I don't think I'll ever tell him, to be honest."

Balthazar nodded in understanding.

A wave of nausea hits Dean before reaching the third floor, Jo managed to steal a few of those fancy vomit bags from the nurses station before all things went to hell. They were both sitting against the cement wall of the stairwell, thanking God that Dean didn't have any hair for Jo to hold back, because that would be too cliche for them to handle. Person A drinks when they shouldn't. Person B holds their hair as person A vomits at a very bad time.

"I'm never drinking again." Dean groaned, Jo laughed genuinely.

"Sure, buddy. You've been saying that since high school, Mr. Hot shot. Just promise me to never get wasted before a very important doctors appointment, alright? And never give your boyfriend another heart attack either?" Dean just gagged, Jo took that as a 'Okay Jo whatever you say.'

"Cmon, buddy, we've got to get up there. No doubt theres paper work to fill out, we can't hang out vomitting any longer." She said, shoving a mint into Dean's mouth while dragging him off the ground. She sent out a silent prayer that shoving Dean into a cold shower and four cups of espresso would save them.

Sitting in the waiting room was like being sweat out, waiting to get caught. Dean sat slouched over in his chair while Jo filled out the paper work for him. The wonders of having an overly nosey best friend.

"Mr. Winchester?" The doctor asked coming out of their offices. Dean internally groaned as he stood up with Jo. She held out the clip board to the doctor as he ushered them in.

The doctor looked over the information, especially where it noted major symptoms. Anxiety, Depression, and Insomnia.

"So, Mr. Winchester, can you elaborate? Any reason for these symptoms?" Jo flinched as she waited for Dean to say something stupid. He didn't. He was just sadly honest.

"Fourteen years of drunken abuse and abandonment issues." He slurred, making Jo bite the inside of her cheek as she saw the doctors eye brow raised.

"Have you ever used alcohol to deal with your issues?" The doctor asked with an accusatory tone, making Dean laugh. A long breathy laugh, throwing his head brack.

"I'm not an alcoholic, Doc."

"Then why are you in my office drunk, Mr. Winchester?" There was annoyance in the doctors voice. Jo answered for Dean before he could embarass himself. Knowing Dean, he would. Then he wouldn't shut up. She's been dealing with drunk Dean for far too long. Cleaning up his drunken messes, too.

"That's my fault. Someone wrote coward on his garage door and filled his mailbox with hate mail. I figured hey why not some liquid self confidence? But then he kept going. I can't exactly stop him. Not that he's violent, god no. Dean's a magnanimous man, honestly. Sure he doesn't look it but it's true. He would never seek out to hurt someone. But honestly he's twice my size, it's not like I can hold him down and say no more booze. Well I could after he was drunk enough.." Jo needed shut up but she didn't, "Doctor, I'm going on and on here but he's been so sad for so long. He's happy for now, but what if this guy doesn't work out? It'd crush him." Dean nodded off somewhere in that rant.

"Miss, while he's asleep how about you tell me everything you know, then we'll wake him up and have him tell us what he feels is important. We'll decide on medication after that."

Conferences went by slowly, nearfully painfully. Parents thinking their kids a saint as always, Cas having to show proof, parent disapproval, dragging out by the ear with talk about grounding for life. Or denial, which was far more annoying. Cas couldn't help but feel angry. Not throw something at the wall angry, but enough that he had to bite his tongue to make it through work. Dean can't bother to stop Cas' worrying because he's too busy getting drunk in the middle of the day and hanging out with Jo? He swore he meant more to Dean than that. Just the night before he'd said that he thinks he loves Cas, and now he's an after thought.

Things went downhill the moment Cas left the school building. First, he found out his tires were slashed and windows smashed in. One note taped to the door, all though it seemed more like a note for everyone else than for Castiel. 'Fucking a killer.' Now he was throw something angry, chucking his phone as far as he could. Something was satisfying about watching the phone smash against the cement and skid away. Cas wasn't sure if he was angry about the fact that someone trashed his car, or if it was because they thought of Dean as a killer. More so the latter than anything else. Dean jumped up onto the table, yelling 'What the fuck is that thing?' when he saw a mouse run through the kitchen with Castiel's cat in pursuit. If anyone was a killer, it certainly wasn't Dean. Though his cat probably was since they never saw a mouse again.

Walking away from the school parking lot he still felt angry. He was tempted to just skip stopping by Dean's house, and just go home for a shower. But he knew that he should at least see what Jo wanted him to, since it was on the way anyway.

The walk to Dean's house was cold, and wet. Rain didn't help make his day any better. The thunder didn't make do anything positive either. He turned onto Dean's road planning on borrowing a jacket from Dean's house since his clothes had soaked through. Cas hadn't planned on seeing big fat red letters on Dean's garage door, or the hundreds of soaked papers and brochures with a note addressed to Cas.

Go Home, Castiel.

So he did. But that didn't change the fact that he felt horrible about all the anger he'd been feeling. since the moment Dean texted him drunk only hours before. The walk home was lonely and guilt ridden. Cas felt stupid for being angry for something he didn't even know the whole story. Cas would be having a bad day too if someone had done that to him. It was awful when his older brother tried to convince his parents to send him to straight camp, but thankfully his parents were much more accepting than Michael. So remained at home, then college. He's grateful for the life he's lived, never worrying about money, food, or shelter. Some things that certain kids would kill for. A college education that would trump most peoples in a heartbeat, and for the most part a family who loves him for he is.

Dean would have been one of the kids killing for Castiel's life. Abuse, neglect, malnutrition, barely graduating high school. No one batted an eye lash until middle school when Dean realized he wasn't normal. That not everyone liked boys and girls. That not everyone had one or two meals a day. Especially that not everyone felt like the world would be better off without him in it. One day, someone noticed Dean was different. Gordon Walker. Shoved his head into the toilet until he was choking and sputtering for air. So Dean took a baseball bat during the middle of passing period and smashed in Gordon's locker until a teacher had to restrain him. No one bothered Dean after that. Most people stopped talking to Dean all together. Ticking time bomb. Tick. Tick. Tick. High school was better, football and his best friends helped the situation. He was going to play baseball during the spring but found out Gordon Walker was on the team. Put a bat in Dean's hands with Gordon in the room was asking for homocidal tendencies.

Cas could hear the sloshing in his shoes by the time he got home, when he opened the door he heard Gabe start to yell.

"Cassie! Your boy toy cleaned our house! And left you a love note on your bed!" Gabriel actually hadn't read it, but he would like to believe it's a love note confessing his undying love and proposing that they run off to London to get gay-hitched in fashion.

"What?" Cas asked, but when he walked through the home it was obvious. Things were in order, dishes were cleaned and put away, the laudry baskets were filled with clean and folded clothes. Dean went above and beyond. So Cas rushed up the stairs to find the note, not bothering to even reply to Gabe. Or question what the hell he was doing in Cas' bedroom. Personally at this moment he didn't care.

His bed was straight, two pillows on Cas' side just like he prefers, brown side of the comforter up. Everything was just how Cas liked it. Dean either really listens or really cares. Maybe both. Then he saw it, a folded up piece of paper with 'Cas' written on it in Dean's admittedly beautiful handwriting.

'At the doctors, call you tonight, Dean. If theres an emergency I'm in Dr. Higgins office in room three hundred fifty-seven.'

Cas stood there thinking, "This definitely counts as an emergency."

He's ran before, long distance, sprinting, anything. But he's never ran so fast in his life. So when he reached room three hundred and fifty-seven, he felt accomplished. But he prayed that Dean was still here. Cas sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair in his sopping wet clothes with his hair drooping with the weight of the water. It looked like he'd taken a shower with his clothes on. Maybe he could have gotten a college scholarship for track during high school if they'd dangled Dean at the finishing line.

"Dean, Dean wake up. The doctor needs to talk to you." Jo said, shaking Dean from his slumber with a jolt. No one needs to know for once he wasn't haunted by a nightmare. Just deep blue eyes.

"Mphmmm?" He mumbled, eyes focusing on the doctor. Everything was blurry like he needed glasses.

"Is it true that you'v been depressed, anxious, and minorly suicidal in your past?" Dean choked on his own spit.

"What?"

"Yes or no, please."

"Yes." His voice is sheepish and scared. He didn't want to end up in a nuthouse. He could hear his father screaming 'You weak screw up!'

"Is it true you have nightmares, smell or hear things that aren't real, and close yourself off from other people?" Dean nodded. Jo truly read him like a book, because some of that he'd never even told her.

"Okay, Mr. Winchester. Everything I've heard caan easily be linked to three things. Major depression, severe anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder."

"Isn't that for moms who lost their kid?" Dean's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He was ninety percent sure he didn't have the anatomy for that. The doctor slid a hefty pile of prescriptions across the desk, which Jo picked up and rifled through. Most of them she'd never heard of. Paxil, Xanax, Prazosin, Seroquel. But there were two she definitely knew. Ambien, and Adderal.

"That's postpartum depression. Post Traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, is caused by a traumatic event in someones life. Often found in war veterans, rape vi-" No. Just no. Dean wanted to stick his index fingers in his ears and yell 'lalala' But he couldn't do that, he's not nine anymore. So he opted for the only other option his unrational mind could come up with.

"Absolutely not! I don't! No! That never!" Dean was yelling, loud. He wasn't angry. He was scared. Dean lauched himself up from the chair, still yelling his heart out, when the door swung open.'

"This is a closed session!" The doctor yelled, now everyone in the room standing.

Soaking wet, pre-hypothermic, Castiel Novak.

"Tell him that never happened, Cas! Tell him!" Dean was in a full out panic. He felt like he couldn't breathe, think, or even stop the slow trickle of a few tears falling down his face. Cas didn't even question the choice he made to just hug Dean and not let go. Dean's face burried into Cas' neck. Jo was up, trying her best to help with the situation

"Doctor! It's the boyfriend, don't worry!" She said, voice faltering. She had no idea what was going on anymore. Why Dean was freaking out, what Cas was doing here, or even what the hell these drugs were. Are they even safe? Will he get fired? God when she woke up this morning she'd expected going to work, talking to Ash, and probably sleeping in a booth at the bar. Not this, definitely not this. Life certainly liked throwing them all massive curveballs lately.

When Jess pulled into the Winchester driveway, Sam froze. Coward. He knew it wasn't for him. He noticed Dean's car was gone, so Sam was obviously worried. He darted out of the car with Jess behind him. When he walked into the house, it smelt like booze. So when he found the overturned tequila bottle in the living room with things scattered everywhere, Sam knew what it ment. Dean was drunk, gone, and upset. Shit.

Sam grabbed the landline, calling Dean's cellphone. He called a half dozen times before giving up. He called Cas a few times, still nothing. Silence from Jo as well. Sam felt like his world was crashing into itself. Jess tried to comfort him, holding his arm, raking her fingers up and down Sam's back. Sam called Rufus, hoping maybe Dean showed up at the firehouse out of his mind.

"Yello'?" Rufus grunted.

"It's Sam, is Dean there by any chance? The place is trashed, his car is gone, and theres tequila all over the floor. No ones answering! I don't know what's going on!" Sam's voice was frantic.

"Breathe, kid. I'll call Bobby, get some guys together, we'll find him. Don't freak out just yet." Rufus said, much less hostile.

"Oh-Okay." Soon after, the small makeshift rescue team was scowering the streets looking for Dean. So when Dean's car pulls into the driveway at around eight that night, Sam was crushed with relief. But Castiel carrying the unconcious Dean with Jo behind him was worrying.

"Is he okay?" He croaked, Cas nodded with a small smile.

"Just passed out." Cas said at the same time that Jo went on a nervous tangent.

"I got him drunk and he fruited out and the doctors office then Cas showed up and saved our asses. Oh and we picked up his meds." Jo held up the pharmacy bag sheepishly. It looked huge for just medication. Dean went from being the guy who didn't even take his vitamins to 'I have a pharmacy in my medicine cabinet' overnight. She held the medication instructions in hand. Adderal in the morning, Xanax as needed, the rest at bed. Sam read them over with Jo as Cas tucked Dean in and slipped in next to him.

"Cas?" He asked, coming out more like "Cashbd?"

"Mmm?" Cas said with a sloppy smile.

"I love you, babe." He slurred, draping his arm over Cas.

"I know, Dean. I know." Cas kissed him on the head before Dean slipped back out, leaving Castiel alone with his thoughts.

"So what'd the doctor say?" Sam asked, looking over the medication labels. His friend was taking medical classes at the community college, he'll have to call later to get a better gist of the meds since the papers that came with them were filled with medical terms that he frankly didn't understand.

"Depression, anxiety, and PTSD."

"Post traumatic stress disoder?" Sam asked, mouth gaping slightly. The others he could understand easily, but that? Sure it was plausible, a lot of bad things have happened to his brother. But apparently he hid his problems much better than Sam had ever thought.

"That's what I thought." Jo mumbled, lost in her own thoughts as Cas comes downstairs. They catch him up on everything he's missed.

He simply says, "Oh." Before retreating back to Dean's bed, vowing to never leave Dean alone again. No one can hurt his Dean.


	5. Halloween Horrors Right?

Mr Novak 5

Schools kicking my ass, especially with my multiple clubs, sort of-social life, homework, and allergies. Sorry for taking forever, okay more like eternity. :( Hint: Dean's theme song is Little Lion Man, while Cas' is Begin Again,(On the 8track story soundtrack) cough cough. There was also a major hint that no ones seemed to catch. Just know, someone will get beat the hell up in later chapters. Youll be hella glad too. Warning: Implied non-con. Lastly, this chapter was partially written after taking my meds. Beware.

Summary: Sometimes drunken mistakes aren't really mistakes at all.

"_I'd let him get under my skin, and now he had started to occupy my every thought." _

― _J.C. Reed, Surrender Your Love_

It started innocently enough, Halloween with family, friends, and the man you love.

But the night concluded with bad decisions, silent suffering, hopeless romance, and a permanent mark that water can't wash off. But I don't think they want it to.

Dean spent his morning repainting the garage door. He'd tried removing it several times with no luck, so it was time to just cover it up and move on with his life. He's been on the numerous medications for a very short time, but some of them were already helping him out in ways he didn't think medications could do. Nights were the strangest. Weird dreams, sleeping while standing, saying things he definitely shouldn't. Dean was still unaware of his 'I love you' outburst, while Cas was very aware. It had made him feel light on his feet ever since.

People used to take adderal in high school, to study, stay up, get high. But Dean simply was able to stop thinking and do absolutely nothing. It was liberating. For the first time in a long time he could finish a show, read a boring book, have silence in his head for extended periods of time. Everyone noticed that difference immediately. They also noted how he didn't flinch when people scared him, or how he started to sleep soundly through the night. The nightmares already were less severe, accompanied by the strange and slightly disturbing dreams. The kind that if you mentioned them as a kid, the school would send you to some fancy counselor asking if you were screwed in the head.

Little kids were already on the prowl with their parents, in their adorable costumes. The slutty costumes don't show up until it's dark. So whenever a little kid would run up to the door or to Dean, they'd be shouting candy. Dean couldn't deny them, even though he honestly wanted to eat all the candy himself. Thankfully he has today and tomorrow off, which means he can stay out and do whatever he wants tonight, and nurse his potential hang over tomorrow. Personally, everyone Dean hung out with was taking today and tomorrow off for a four day weekend. Dean wished he could have a four day weekend. He was taking Thursday (today.) Friday, and Sunday. A broken up weekend. He also wished Cas would have gotten the balls to take two days off. Everyone planned on getting smashed tonight so he'd probably end up calling in sick tomorrow. Naughty teacher. 'New kink achieved.' Dean thought to himself.

Dean was finished with the garage by the time Cas, Sam, and Gabe pulled up. Jo and Ash were set to arrive soon after. So when they walked through the front door, Dean's first plausible idea was to wrap his arms around Cas' waist to pull him into a long and wet kiss, which made the teenage brothers groan and leave the room talking about candy and plans for tonight. They were going to spend the night with the adults, because obviously they were much more fun. Well Gabe had actually said that everyone but Cas was fun, because his brother had a stick up his ass since the day he was born. Dean disagreed whole heartedly.

"Missed you." Dean smiled, kissing Cas over and over. If you'd have asked him how he felt in August and he had to tell the truth, he would have said he was a crumbling internal wreck. He would have never believed in two short months he'd feel happier than he had in a long time. Maybe ever. But he didn't mind.

"Missed you, too." Cas smiled under Dean's kisses, letting Dean wrap himself around him. Felt safe and comforting. He was a different man than the one who had sat down across from him in a dingey bar weeks ago. Shed his cocky protective shield and replaced it with a loving and warm version of his former self. Sure he had his moments, some very dramatic, but the past was the past. All that mattered was today. Cas felt very much the same, but Gabe and Balthazar noticed an immediate change the moment Dean waltzed into his life. They made each other better.

The doorbell rang, making Dean and Cas both groan, disappointed. While the kids were adorable, sometimes you just want to kiss the hell out of your boyfriend.

When the kids were gone, Dean perked up. "You know, none of us have costumes. Wanna make a run with Sammy and all? We usually make a game out of it, pick each others costumes to make a mockery out of each other." He laughed, leaning into Cas.

"Definitely." Cas smiled. The kind you make when you look at someone like you're life is suddenly revolving around them and you couldn't care less.

"Why do you smell like perfume, Cas?" Dean asked with a raised eye brow. His explaination only made him question Cas' activities.

"Never let me agree to advise two clubs at once, again. Especially ones filled with young females."

The costume store was like a shitstorm on a new level. They'd seperated to cover more ground. Cas was getting Dean's while Dean was getting Cas'. The same with Gabe and Sam. Dean found the perfect costume for Cas, that made him laugh beyond belief, and Cas would probably kill him for. Big fluffy fake wings with a headband halo. This was cheesyness you couldn't fake. Also he had to admit on Cas it would be the nerdy kind of sexy.

But when Cas found the perfect costume, he couldn't help but snort. Cas would definitely be sex starved tonight, because he was about to make manly man Dean Winchester into Sioux Falls prettiest cheerleader.

Gabe's idea was unoriginal, but admittedly hilarious. Dressing up Samsquatch into a giant moose? God definitely. Dean would pay to see that, thankfully he didn't have to. Gabe threw in a cheap disposable camera because he knew that these pictures would be worth a fortune when Sam would be trying to get some fancy lawyer gig. (Hell would freeze over before Stanford denies him.)

Sam personally went for the oversized Doctor Sexy outfit, with the red cowboy boots. At least he was being accurate. So when they all met up in line, they were all floored by their costumes.

"I'm not being a cheerleader for gods sake!" Dean said, laughing with his head thrown back. It was a bright white mens outfit with blue lettering across his chest and ass with pom poms. His chest says "I cheer for the other team." while his ass says "And I liked it." The most sexual costume he'd ever encountered, and he's some pretty weird shit. Dean had to give Cas some credit. It was hilarious.

"Well it least you're not fluffy!" Cas countered, the headband on his head where Dean had put it. The halo was slightly crooked, leaning towards the left, which oddly made it perfect. Sexy broken angel, as Dean put it. After they paid and left, it was late afternoon, around five oclock. Jo and Ash were sitting inside the Winchester home, dressed absurdley. Ash was literally a tax accountant with a mullet, while Jo was a demon killer. Fit her personality pretty well, actually. Loaded with a fake shotgun and all.

The four men that where out of costume went into seperate rooms for the most part. Sam in his bedroom, Gabe in the bathroom, while Cas and Dean were in Dean's bedroom.

"Cas this is so embarassing." Dean laughed, blush highlighting his face. Cas internally was thinking, 'Damn.' Because not many can pull off that trainwreck of a costume. But somehow Dean did, shaking his pom poms with a laugh. No, pom poms weren't a code word for his balls. They were literally glittery, shiny, pom poms.

"It's actually kind of sexy." Cas smirked, snaking his arms around Dean, making his eyebrow shoot up.

"Oh really?" He couldn't hide his smirk. Sometimes, Dean was a genuine cocky bastard. Which only made this sexier. Cas couldn't explain it. He just knew he wanted to peel that costume of Dean's body without a second thought.

"Definitely." Cas growled, roughly kissing Dean, who happily reciprocated. Dean pushed Cas down onto the bed, holding himself up over Cas, never stopping. Dean had one hand under Cas' shirt and the other on the back of his deck. Cas was unbuckling Dean's belt while Dean kissed his neck. Cas' hand went directly into Dean's pants, touching cock, teasing him. Making him groan.

"Caaaas." He moaned into Cas' neck, breathing healthily. His whole was reacting to what Cas was doing. Dean mentally noted that Cas was a sex god. Never know.

"Don't be a tease." Dean gasped as Cas slowed his wake.

"Okay." Cas smirked, pulling Dean's pants down complete. God he knew someone would come in but fuuuuck. Hormones VS Reasonable Functioning. No chance. He still had the hormones of a sixteen year old boy. He did his normal lesson. Cas had his mouth around his cock and he gasped. 'Fuck fuck fuck.' He was running his fingers through Cas' hair, somehow it was very loving, despite Dean's whispered gasps over 'Oh God.' When Cas licked his shaft before returning to what he was doing previously, making Dean moan.

Then life ruiner slash cock block, Sam Winchester knocks on the door profusely. "We can all hear you! Stop!" He pleaded. Someone- No, more likely everyone- had probably held him down as a prank, because knowing Sam, he would have bolted the instant he heard anything.

Dean dramatically let his head drop, 'Little bitch.' He thought to himself. 'Why couldn't you keep him pinned for five more minutes?' He added.

"Little pervy of them all, don't you think?" Cas laughed, not able to wipe his knowing smile off his face.

"Very, but then again Jo and Ash were the ones who gave me the talk. Them, of all people." Dean rolled his eyes only making Cas laugh some more.

"Are you serious? "He asked with a shitfaced grin.

"Just be glad I'm good at what I do." Dean smirked, rolling his eyes at Cas, who was getting up and making himself a little more presentable for the kiddies.

More pounding on the door.

"Guys, hurry up already! Do you wanna go have drinks or not?" Ash asked.

"Not!" They both answered in unison.

"Too fuckin' bad!" Dean could practically hear Ash's eyes roll in sarcasm.

They were all crowded around a bar table made for maximum four people, in a bar full of drunk and loud people. Sam and Gabe were definitely not the only underaged drinkers. Especially with it pushing seven thirty, everyone had stuck to beer so far, wanting to at least make it to ten, but Ash was the first to take the plunge with a round of shots for everyone. But then one shot became four, and things were getting blurry and spinning like mad.

That's when bad decisions started rolling out.

Dean threw back a fifth shot before coming up with the first one of the nights bad choices.

"I wanna go trick'or'treating." He decided, flipping over his shot glass. Dean couldn't stop staring at Castiel with a giant grin.

"That's my leg, my leg, my leg!" Gabriel nearly shrieked, making Cas spit his sip of beer across the table right in Dean's face. Cas' face was red for way too many reasons. Number one being he'd literally made an accidental sexual advance at his seventeen year old brother. Bad enough to get him drunk, but this was another level of weird. Second, he'd just spit beer all over Dean. Third, everyone but Gabriel was laughing at him. Well Dean was blushing like mad but still chuckling.

"I'm not nearly drunk enough for this." Cas muttered, stealing Jo's shot from her hand.

"How are you not freaking plastered, jesus. Are you God or something?" She asked, bemused.

"That's sweet of you to say, but far from it." Cas laughed, as Ash stood up looking determined.

"We're going trick'r'treating." He decided, making Dean grin like a fool.

Everyone finished their drinks as Dean went to pay the bill with Cas in tow, weeding through the crowd of seedy, drunk, and slutty nineteen year olds. Not that being slutty is bad necessarily, Dean has been around the block more than his fair share, but lately he feels that all the constant unwanted contact is getting out of hand. He isn't sure if it's because of Cas, or all of his past being dug up, or maybe he just didn't feel like he needed a random fuck every night off to be happy. It could easily be a combination of those, Dean just knew he wanted the random grope sessions to stop. Theres more to him than just a decent body and a good fuck, little do they all believe.

Someone grabs his hand and pulls his hand, at first he thinks its Cas So he follows happily. But the grip is a little tight, and much rougher than Dean was acustomed to. Though the deal breaker was right before he was pulled into the bathroom, he'd heard Cas calling his name from across the bar, making his heart stop cold.

When the bathroom lights flickered on, he swore he was about to go into cardiac arrest, maybe throw up. What a way to go out. Death by terror. Faced with someone he'd been praying he wouldn't ever see again, in person at least. He haunted his waking dreams often enough.

"Hey faggot."

Dean stumbled out of the bathroom back into the dim bar ten or so minutes later. He heard hs name being called multiple times but every was muted. His clothes were rumpled and his hair flattened. His mood went from a hundred to zero in no time at all. He threw back three more shots before finally answering to the calls of his name.

"Yeah I'm here." He mumbled, clapping his hand on Ash's shoulder.

"Dude, where the hell did you go? We thought you'd been carried off or something!" Ash laughed, making Dean cringe, nausea hitting him like wave of the ocean, knocking him on his ass, not literally but it sure felt like it.

_Angels are watching over you, Dean._

Dean only had one thing to say to that, Bull-fucking-shit.

"Woulda' been much better." He muttered under his breath as everyone made their way outside, damn determined to not lose Dean again, who really just wanted to get mind numbingly drunk then pass out in his neighbors lawn naked. Life was easier that way. Wake up, work, drink to forget, repeat. No messy feelings or connections.

But instead he found himself walking up and down driveways carrying his wrecked pom poms, collecting candy from reluctant home owners, holding his little brothers hair back as he heaved his guts out in one of his classmates bushes, much to their disamusement.

"Dean what happened to your neck?" Cas asked, bumping shoulders with Dean was the walked. His eyes shot open, wide like a deer in the headlights. Dean's hand went to cover it up imediately. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Uh- I must have knicked myself shaving. You know me." He said nervously, rubbing his neck trying to stay calm.

_Pretty boyfriend of yours, Dean. Wanna keep him that way? Or should I pay him a visit?_

_Are you stalking me?_

_Just a wee bit. wouldn't want to lose tack of my favorite pet?_

_Ever since middle school you little fag._

"You sure?" Cas asked, he looked worried but Dean shook it off. If he started thinking he'd drunkenly blurt something out and maybe throw up on Cas' shoes.

_Answer me, you little fag. _

"Um, yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry about it." Dean took Cas' hand in his own, maybe for selfish reasons, but he just needed to feel something besides the foreign hands on his body. Dean's legs felt like jello and his brain particularly liquified tonight. Maybe he'd wake up in his neighbors lawn after all. Signs were pointing to yes. Cas wrapped his arm around Dean, making him wince, but he didn't say anything. Surely there was a bruise the size of Canada but tonight wasn't the night to think about that. Maybe tomomorrow when he's leaned over the toilet with a hangover that could kill. Just..not tonight.

"I never really went trick or treating, this is fun, Dean. I'm glad to be apart of it. Thanks for inviting me." Cas was sincere but Dean's head was elsewhere.

"Mm? Oh, yeah of course. Wouldn't be the same without you." Cas dropped Dean's hand absent mindedly, making every inch of Dean's body fall cold. He didn't blame Cas, though. Himself, definitely, but not Cas.

Dean followed the rest of them aimlessly, not quite paying attention to anything someone said, so he missed the fact that they were going on a field trip to dear old uncle Bobby's home and garage. Not many people stopped by, outside of town with a drunken old man who is a surrogate father to a screw up and future lawyer. What a combo!

Jo was the one knocking on the door while absently chomping on a large snickers bar while Ash raked his fingers up and down her back. Dean still couldnt wrap his mind around Ash in a suit and tie. Though the mullet really killed it.

"What in God's name are you all doing here?" Bobby asked, looking completely puzzled as he shook around his glass of whiskey.

"You're part of the family, old man!" Dean laughed, Bobby's eyebrow rose as he muttered idjit while everyone walked inside. Dean had to admit that he was pretty wobbly as he flopped ontp the couch, arm found Castiel protectively. Terrified, whether it was out in the open like now or later, hidden under his bed wrapped in sheets. (A story he wouldn't like to dive into.) Today was subtle, he was able to keep his thoughts to himself. Somehow.

"Cas, wanna see where a lot of time as a teenager?" Dean whispered, tangling his hand with Cas', this time he returned it, their fingers waving together like a book being bound. "Just wanted to show you I'm worth the fight, I'm crashing, but I really like you."

_I love you babe, I think I'm in love with you, mm,_

"I know, I really like you too. Really."

Cas followed Dean down a hall, "There are books flooding everywhere, but my stuff is still there." Cas nodded as Dean opened the door with a sign on it that said "Piss Off Sammy." Dean was right, books everywhere. But there was still a bed, posters, old school books, college acceptants letters, maybe if they were lucky there would still be that bottle of jack underneath one of the floorboards, unless someone already thought of that and snuck in prior. With Dean's luck, that was probably the case.

They both sat on the floor boards content with the comfortable silence until Cas broke it with a slurred speech.

"I've always been the shell of a broken man, Dean. As you probably know. No guts, not glory, and certainly no man at the end of the day. It's very strange for me to say I have at least two out of three now."

"Please tell me the guy part is one of them." Dean joked- half joked.

"Certainly. Don't ask stupid questions, Dean. I was more ignoring the glory. Somewhere along the way I gained some guts. Or as you've coined it as spunk. Glory, not so much. Not that I mind. I'm quite happy with two thirds." Dean couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"I'm happy with just you." Dean smiled, it hadn't meant to sound sad. Truly. But that's how Castiel took it, so he wrapped his arms around Dean tightly.

"Is this how you control your students? Because if it is I definitely understand." He laughed, being in the guys arms had a way of being extremely comforting.

"It's more the other way, that's why I come home smelling like the girls locker room." Cas really did, perfume and weird lotions. Dean certainly wasn't sure if he liked it or not. But then again he knew Cas loved helping with FCCLA and GSA. Strange combination, but as the only gay teacher in the school the previous advisor pawned it off on him while with FCCLA, Cas has been involved since the first moment, having joined in high school himself. Though as a teenager his teams never made it to nationals like the chapter from this school has.

"Tell those girls your taken for." Dean mumbled into Cas' shirt.

"Oh yes, that will go over well."

"They know you're gay, Cas!"

"Yes, they do. But some of them want to change that, it's how I keep order." Dean tried his best to not snort, but failed miserably.

"Baby, you're an amazing teacher, don't say that!"

Cas rolled his eyes, "Dean I have a feeling you'd be one of them if you were a female." That may or may not be true.

"Cas, I miss my mom."

"I know, baby. I know."

"I think about her every day. With my stupid job I don't think I'll ever move on. I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore. I thought it was honoring her, but all it does is hurt. Would she want me to hurt?"

"I don't think so, Dean."

"Should I quit?"

"Only you can decide that, Dean."

"I'm worth a million bucks, baby!" Dean slurred. Not just slurred, it was like talking through maple syrup.

"Dean, it says that squares twelve dollars. Have you ever even played Monopoly before?" Yes. Maybe. Not really. Does playing with Sam while drunk count? It should, because it's practically an olympic sport. Playing a board game while trying not to puke and not knowing the real rules is hard. They'd make up their own rules, usually ending up with a really stupid dare or injury.

"D'ja know that I want more tattoos?" Dean asked with a more severe slur.

"More?" Sam asked perplexed. His brother had a tattoo?! Dean pulled down his collar to reveal a protection symbol, that Cas had originally thought was a devils symbol.

"I didn't, Dean." Cas answered simply. Everyone wondered how he wasn't smashed. Must take a liquor store to get him drunk.

Dean stood up without warning and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To find a tattoo shop, duh."

This won't end well.

"What're you doing?" Dean asked as he peeled off his shirt, laying back in the plastic lean back, Castiel doing the same thing next to him.

"Getting a tattoo. Can't let you do stupid things on your own." He answered as if it were obvious.

"Baby you don't have to-"

"Yes, I do. Besides, I want to."

"Well what are you getting?"

"You'll have to wait and see." That drove Dean crazy.

_Please stop, Please! I'll do anything, just stop! Not again._

_Deanie-baby, I'll always be around the corner. You don't want me to hurt that mutt of a boyfriemd. So shut the hell up. Or one day I may just kill you._

Waking up the next morning was, painful to say the least. Dean had monopoly pieces where they just should never be,some really weird pain over his heart and between his shoulders, and a hangover that could kill. The sticky note attatched to his face was just an added frustration.

'Went to work, took Sam and Gabe to school. Enjoy your day off, Dean!" Son of a bitch went to work afterall. So it was only him on the floor of his old bedroom. The nights events hit him like a train, making him groan, and not the hot kind. So Dean stumbled out of the room to the kitchen where Ash and Jo were hunched over the table looking half past death quarter to hell.

"Dude, what's with the plastic wrap? Or the bruise?" Ash asked, pointing at Dean's exposed chest and back.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing, don't worry about it." That peaked Jo's interest. Being the loving best friend she is, she didn't ask. She simply ripped them off his aching body, and prodded the bruise in hopes it would make him spill. Though the tattoos once exposed captured more interest than the bruise.

"Whoa, what does that say?" She asked, pointing to his chest.

"Ile instituo quidam procul indu mea cor cum ego cogitaui nemo semper utinam." He answered as if it were nothing more than 'Can you pass the milk?'

"No shit, Sherlock. But what does it mean? What kind of language is it anyway?" Jo asked, hitting his shoulder as she turned him around to see his back. Two thick jagged lines, by the words inbetween she guessed they were where wings had been ripped out of his back. 'The angels are falling. Watch them fall. Fall. Fall.'

"It's latin for 'He found a way into my heart when I though no one ever would.'" Jo couldn't stop the aw from passing her lips while Ash made a scrunched up face.

"Dude, what happened to assistant to doctor badass?"

Jo rolled her eyes, "Ignore him. Better question, how did you even handle the pain. First one you had to hold my hand!" There was defintely embarrassed butterflies flying around in Dean's stomach from that comment.

"Why are you determined to embarrass me?" He asked with a red face.

"It was the job I was born to do, Dean. accept that fact."

"Mr. Novak? You have a tattoo?" A student asked as Cas pushed up his sleeves that afternoon.

"Oh, yes. Yes I do." He answered, pushing down his sleeve once again, knowing full well there was a Latin course at this school.

"What does it say?"

"Sed ait: Non est recta via te amo. Sic redditur mihi, si locus e est."

_The way you say i love you, simply isn't right. This is me returning it, even though it's out of site_


	6. Confess to Me, Your Greatest Sins

Chapter Six: Would You Leave Me, If You Knew What I've Done?

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I need someone to co-run my tumblr with me. Not enough time between school, work, clubs, and trying(failing) to fill my queue. Any SPN bloggers wanna help a girl out? Either comment or send me a message on tumblr at .com (halloween spirits baby! back to normal url in Nov.) Secondly, I'm starting a strictly sidework dean/cas story called "Why are you my remedy?" I'll tell you when it's up and running

I've decided I lied about dying of fluff. I tried, I failed. I like angst and hurting. (there will still be fluff shush) Also, this took way too long. But when combined with a relapse, breaking my computer a second time(fried memory chip apparently), and a cheating bitch of a bitch of a girlfriend, it's understandable. Trigger Warning: Alcohol abuse, mentions of possible drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, after effects of rape trauma. Dean in this chapter is no bueno. At all. Enjoy!

_"I was 99% sure we can't be together, that I'm far too broken too comprehend ,but its that 1% that keeps me hanging on." ~Unknown._

Dean should have known he was screwed from the begining. With those beautiful blue eyes that look like the ocean, tides swaying in and out. And the hair that looks like he's either just gotten out of bed or had rugged sex on every surface of his home. Or those hip bones that could carve marble statues. Lord, even his deep, gravely, velvet like voice. That was all his body though. When you count in his dry humor, or the way he squints at you when he doesn't understand, or when he doesn't understand pop culture references, hell even how he can sneak up on you like a cat that's in desperate need of a bell. Should have known the moment Dean sat at Castiel's table at the bar. But he didn't. So now, he's completely and irreversibly in love with this man.

The scream that escaped his lips was far from human. Animalistic and full of fear. Sweat soaking his plain white sheets that were haunted by the smell of Castiel. A scent that felt like a knock to the head after a dream like that. What the hell was that anyway? Dean's had history with bad dreams. But that wasn't a dream, that was pure unadulterated horror. He's never had a dream like that before. Scratch that. Nightmare. Being surrounded by smoke, hearing his name being called, Rufus yelling clear the building. A crack above him before it all crashes on top of him, followed by a few moments of darkness. Then his dream greeted him with a familiar and angelic face. Castiel. Something was different. He looked sad, very sad. All the life drained from his brilliant blue eyes, but the part that really sent Dean spinning was the girl he was sat next to. Firey red head, holding his hand, leaning her head on his shoulder. It looked...Bad. Dean was jealous of a dream? What? No way!

Dean grumbled as he stumbled out of bed. Monday came far too fast. He wasn't excited for the next forty-eight hours he'd be spending at work, but it gave him an excuse to avoid most people who have been asking him what's bothering him. (Also known as Cas, Sam, Ash, and Jo.) It's not like he could come out and say "Oh. yknow, had some unconsensual sex in a seedy bar bathroom and lied about it for days! Pass the salt?" He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. In this case, it means being alone and particularly sad. Which is exactly why after Halloween, he's been avoiding people at all costs. Aside from working Saturday, he hadn't left his room unless completely necessary. Which wasn't common. Sam had even tried to bribe him with pie, but now theres an unopened Sally's Sweets pie downstairs in the fridge with a sticky note on it saying 'Pleaase don't starve and die.' Sam whole heartedly believes it will be gone when he comes home tomorrow night after staying at the Novaks for a project. Little does Sam know that it will be untouched, and never will be. Dean hasn't eaten since Saturday, he'll probably snag a poptart at the station and pray that no idiots light their wigs on fire. Today, he wasn't in the mood. Then again, he hasn't been in the mood since Halloween but nonetheless.

When Dean was having a hard time like this as a teenager, he'd run off for a week or so until he started feeling better. Windows down, music blasting, burning rubber down to some hick state that didn't check for ID's religiously. Once he found himself in Louisiana without a care in the world. Though he'd gotten stranded somewhere in a bayou, ended up flooding the engine, missing two and a half weeks of school because he was too chickenshit to fly. Besides, he wasn't leaving his baby in a friggin swamp. The smell of the interior always brought him back to those humid Louisiana nights where he slept in the back seat, hoping that the land owner wouldn't find him. On one of his last days, they had. Thank God for southern hospitality because it meant warm bed and delicious home cooked meals in return for some chores when he wasn't working on the car. Man, he has to take Cas there one day.

Cas.

That sent a twang of pain through his chest. He knew it wasn't, but everything about Halloween night felt like some sick betrayal. Dean could still feel the hands, the pounding, everything he wanted desperately to forget. Man, if getting mind numbingly drunk before work was ever good idea, now would be the time. Then again, theres always happy pills. He mentally notes if things getting any worse to just take his meds at work and take a well deserved nap. Well, maybe that wasn't a good idea. He'd taken an anxiety medication at work the other day and it made him..For lack of better words, a high little girl who talked way too much about her oh so sexy boyfriend. Lord knows he'd spill the beans about being on the meds at all, he didn't want to lose his job. Not with Sam being so close to college, he would lose the house and freedom, and possibly Sam himself. Dean would sooner give up everything that made him happy than lose Sam.

And he means everything.

Dean padded around, throwing a few things in his duffel bag. Clothes, bathroom supplies that he needed to replenish in his locker, pill bottles. The dark circles under his eyes only got worse as he trudged into work with his bag over his shoulder. He was late for work, tired, and feeling like his head belonged in a toilet. There was no way people wouldn't mistake this for a hang over. Or pregnant, but Dean's pretty sure he doesn't have the anatomy required. But that doesn't mean he won't be ragged on.

"Winchester, why the hell are you late?" Rufus barked over his burnt waffles. Garth must have given cooking another swing. That knocked the knawing hunger out of his system. Though it didn't stop him from feeling dizzier than a teenager getting drunk at prom, most likely from his undoubtedly low blood sugar. Not something he wasn't accustomed with, unfortunately. His childhood hadn't been full of food and love. Anything they got their hands on went to Sammy, then his father his would spend the rest on booze.

"Not doin' so hot, Sir." He mumbled, wiping his tired eyes as he threw the duffle bag on the table. Dean didn't hear the pills rattle, but Rufus certainly had.

"Sir? What's wrong with you?"

"Rufus I can't be polite for once?" Dean ground out, pulling out a chair a little rougher than necessary, prompting Rufus for a bag search. He knew Dean far too well.

"What the hell! Get out of my stuff!" Dean yelled, trying to snatch his bag away, but not before Rufus found the mini pharmacy.

"Wnchester. My office. Now!" That drew everyones unwanted attention. Please don't fire me, please don't fire me, please don't fire me! Those were the only words rattling around his brain, he can't afford to lose his job.

"Are you selling drugs? Are you on drugs?! You look it, son! Answer me!" Rufus yelled, Dean was sure people were pressing their nosey ears up to the door. He was also sure they could hear every word.

"I'm not selling drugs, sir. It's not like I want to be popping pills like a friggin' addict." Dean mumblled, shifting uncomfortably. This wasn't how his day was supposed to go. He'd been picturing a snack, prayin' for a nap, and maybe calling Jo after all.

"Why are you then, boy!"

"Why do you think, Rufus? I almost got committed! 'Parently, I ain't normal! Probably got dropped on my head like Garth!," He stopped for a moment, "Sorry, Garth!"

"It's all good!" Garth called back from the other side of the door.

"You can't hide a damn pharmacy, Dean! I'm gonna have to put you on unpaid leave while theres an investigation. I'm sorry, Dean." There was a sharp intake of air, and he swore he could hear his whole heart shatter into a million pieces, like a sudden implosion. Rufus could read it on his face, suddenly looking through the bottles for the one with Dean's hand writing marked 'Panic attack.'

"Take it, just take it. Go take some time and we'll talk some more later about our options." Rufus said, thrusting the bottle of little white pills shaped like brick bars. They felt like failure on his tongue, swallowing as if it were poison and he was about to face death. Sure felt like it, as he stumbled to his cot, tripping over someones spare boot. Usually he'd yell to clean it up. Not today.

Dean leaned against his locked for what seemed like a long time. Surely it was long enough for the medication to kick in, because he was pulling out his small photo album that was rarely touched.

"Mama, Why am I crazy?" Dean mumbled, running his fingers over the photos. His mother was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Not the kind where you want to fuck and run, this is the kind you want to live with forever.

"It's ruining my life." He whispered, voice getting raspy. "I miss you so much." Dean slammed the book shut to avoid crying, emotions running even higher with the drug hitting him like a semi truck on the freeway. Things were shoved into his duffel bag carelessly, while Dean was blinking back hopeless tears. He'd never felt more alone. Despite the fact that he'd never had more people who loved and cared for him.

Dean found himself at Bobby's garage, under an old Chevy, oil leaking all over his chest. He also found himself yelling 'I hate you.'At the top of his lungs, as if there weren't other mechanics in the garage, or Bobby standing over the engine. Yelling at no one, yet it felt like he'd been yelling it at himself.

"Wha' the hell is wrong with you, boy?" Bobby barked, pulling Dean out from under the car by force, causing Dean to hit his head. But he didn't say anything, not going there.

"Nothing, Bobby." Dean mumbled, dropping his wrench into his tool box, wiping sweat off his forehead leaving oil in its place.

"Don't lie to me, Dean!" Cue internal groan.

"I don't want to talk about it, Bobby! Jesus Christ!" Dean gasped, feeling particularly ill. His day felt like it was going down as if it were a rocket crashing down to Earth, and he was standing right where it was set to land.

"I know you, ya idjit! Now tell me or go the hell home!" Dean chose home. He can't tell anyone. That's a fact that broke his already shattered heart.

Waiting for Sammy outside of school felt foreign. It's been two days since he'd been put on leave, also known as Cas-Free-Hell. A very unhappy place, something that Sam had caught onto very soon, infact almost a mere moment after walking in the door the day of. It helped that he was supposed to be working and was very, very drunk off cheap booze trying to heal his broken heart. It's easy to say that it didn't.

Cas was confused, if that was even the right word. Lost, maybe heart broken as well. Wondering what he did wrong. Is there a word for all that? This isn't Cas' story though, it's Dean's, though some people may call it Dean and Cas'. Dean's friends and family sure would.

Dean was still in a stupor, with a constant intake of anything that could make him feel better. To say the least, Sam was terrified along with everyone in contact with Dean. This isn't healthy, short or long run. He's drowning his brain cells in a stream of alcohol and isn't even close to taking care of himself. Stubble that could kill, and definitely not following societies hygiene norms. Constant tear between drunkeness and an impossible hangover.

It's not just unhealthy; It could damn well kill him if he isn't careful.

Sam opens the drivers door of the Impala, shoving Dean into the passenger side. He doesn't even put up a fight, which truly shows how gone he is. No way in hell was Sam going to let him drive in this condition. But he knew he wouldn't be able to get Dean into the house by himself either.

Sent at: 2:16

To: Gabriel Novak; CC; Castiel Novak.

I need some help with Dean in the parking lot. Asap. Not kidding.

Received at: 2:17

From: Castiel Novak

What's wrong? I'll be right out.

Sent at: 2:19

To: Castiel Novak

He's drunk or high I don't even know. Smells like booze and can't sit up by himself.

Received at: 2:20

From: Gabriel Novak

Again? Aight lemme grab my shit and tell the advisor that I'm skipping Disney club. We still working on the project at mine?

Gabriel.. Well the best way to put it is, pretty girls, time to suck up to Kali, and a far from holy Disney fetish that sent shivers of displeasure down Sam's spine.

Sent at: 2:21

To: Gabriel Novak.

Yeah, just need to get Dean home first. Sleeping there, right?

Received at: 2:23

From: Gabriel Novak

Duh samsquatch. We'll ditch the booze monkey, pick up some pizza, and head back to mine.

Sam waited in the drivers seat, with his older brother leaning into his shoulder with all his dead weight. He sent out silent prayers that Dean wasn't slipping into some alcohol induce coma, that he'd be okay. Dean's a big boy, whatevers bothering him will be okay soon and then his Dean; His big brother would come back to him. He won't be eight-teen until May, but that's besides the point. Sam can't handle this life without Dean. He handled the loss of their parents, but Dean has been the one raising him, loving him, teaching him. His only constant parent; constant brother. This would be a death that would break Sam as badly as Dean is broken now. He'd be alone in this scary, scary world. That may be selfish, but Sam needs Dean.

Castiel was the first to arrive, tapping lightly on the drivers side window, careful to not wake Dean. Though not even Thanksgiving parade could wake him up at this point.

"Sam.. Are you sure you just want to bring him home? This can't be healthy." Castiel said calmly, looking obviously uncomfortable. He still doesn't know what he's done to upset Dean, what if he wakes up and gets mad?

"There's no other option. Seriously. Just help me get him to bed, Gabe's gonna be out in a minute, then we're going to work on our project at your house while Dean sleeps it off. It'll be peachy, don't worry." Sam mumbled, but Castiel caught his words, though unable to shake the uneasiness he felt. So he slid into the back seat of the car, running his fingers through Dean's flat, but still sandy blonde hair. Dean made gurgling noises, nothing that could be understood, until he actually spoke. His voice was raw and uneasy;

"I miss mom, I miss Cas, I miss having a purpose, and I really miss not wanting to _die_." Dean said, sucking the air out of both Sam and Cas' lungs, as if there were popped balloon remnants in their chests instead of empty lungs and hearts beating far too fast.

"What'd you say, Dean?" Sam asked in a gasp.

"You know what I said. Don't go squealing to Cas. I'm too broken for him, he needs to go find someone better. I don't want to guilt him into some relationship because he thinks I'm about to jump the bridge." No one could respond as Gabriel slid into the back seat with Castiel.

"Let's get this show on the road!"

Then Dean vomitted in a grocery bag. Not his most appealing moment, that's for sure.

The drive to the Winchester home was quiet, aside Gabriel's 'talkin to a brick wall' chatter. Sam and Cas were too lost in their head to make much conversation, while Dean was out like a light again, making soft snores and grunts as he tosses and turns in his sleep.

Helping Dean into the house was the largest problem. Not that he's heavy or uncordinated. Scratch that, with this much whiskey he could practically be pictured in the dictionary under uncordinated. Drunken smile and all. But that's aside the point. Dean refuses to cooperate, saying he has to go to work so he can pay for Sam's tutor. That was months ago. Far before he'd met Castiel, or lost his bonkers completely.

"Stop," He slurrs, trying to get past Castiel to get back out the door. "I have to go! Sam needs this, extra shift won't kill me!" It might, nearly did. Dean had had a work accident during that shift, causing a break in his oxygen. Thankfully, they got him out in time with only lung damage and a dislocated shoulder. After that, Sam was sick with worry every time Dean went out for work. Whenever he didn't call to tell Sam to stop studying and got to bed. Whenever he came home looking he was in pain- more pain than usual. Whenever he wasn't home on time. Whenver he wasn't home. But that comes with the package, Sam supposed. Thankfully he hasn't spent more than two days in the hospital since that unfortunate accident. But those two day visits still killed Sam inside. (The only thing that aided him was the fact that he never left him brothers bedside.)

"Dean," Cas starts as Dean starts to stagger back, looking nothing less than terrified. "Dean!"

"Hm? Oh..I thought I saw someone outside.." Dean trails off, looking pale and unhappy.

"I think I'm gonna just go to bed. Sammy will you call in sick for me?"

"That's a great idea, let me help you to bed." Cas says as Sam's nodding, pretending to call the firehouse. When the older brothers are out of sight, Gabriel nudges Sam in the rib with his elbow.

"Your brothers a friggin wreck."

"Yeah...Yeah I know."

Getting Dean up the stairs wasn't easy. He had to more or less carry him, but even that was hard. Who knew drunken Dean could be this much of a hassle. By hassle he means utter train wreck. But at least he was fast asleep and snoring by the time his gorgeous face hit the pillow.

The three of the sober men left the house without another word, Dean's snores filling the back of Cas' mind many hours after leaving the Winchester home that afternoon.

Late that night, a litte after eleven, Gabriel and Sam are sat on the floor, with books and stray pizza crusts surrounding them. Much to Castiel's displeasure. He's not a clean freak but there doesn't need to be nine pizza crusts littering his living room floor. Castiel's said as little about it as possible. Disgusting as it may be, he doesn't want Gabriel slipping alchohol into his drinks again as punishment. It worries Castiel how easily Gabe gets access to booze.

Castiel flops onto the couch, nudging one of the unused books off the couch onto Gabe's back, which made him scowl. Only making Castiel grin more, as he turned on the television. Nothing but the news, so he left it on, listening more to the conversation the two teenage books were having.

"No- Gabe we can't put Nicholas Cage's picture on our project!"

"Why not! Give me two good reasons why!"

"Well for one, it's home freaking economics, not a class on Nicholas Cage! Two, you know how much Mr. Crowley hates that man!"

"Even more reason to slip it in! I mean if we have to do a freaking project on baking and sewing shit than why not have a little fun! We could needle point his face! Oh god, yes! Cassie, help me out here!"

"Absolutely not," Castiel said, rolling his eyes. "I have to work with that dreadful man, he'd use your needle pointed Nicholas Cage to kill me." That much was true, whether he'd be strangled or smothered with it, he didn't know. He hoped he never would. But the TV started to blare before Gabriel could argue his point even further.

"Breaking news! Arson has struck the town of Sioux Falls, with a young man barely escaping-" The woman pauses and presses her fingers to her ear to hear what someone was telling her.

"-I have sources saying the young man is twenty-one year old firefighter Dean Winchester, living with a younger brother, high school student Sam Winchester who wasn't home at the time." You could hear a pin drop in the room, all life and air sucked out as if they were in space. Or maybe Castiel had died. He couldn't be sure.

The reporter and camera walked up to the back of the ambulance where a sooty, desolate, heart broken Dean Winchester is seated.

"Mr. Winchester. Do you have anything to say about the situation?" The reporter asked, shoving the microphone into Dean's personal space. Everyone watching the news could tell he just wanted to tell her to fuck off.

"You know what, sure," He smiled, obviously with bad intentons. But only the three men in the Novak living room new that.

"My name is Dean Winchester, and I just lost the only photos of my mother I had, the only pictures I had of my father ever being a good man. My brothers baby pictures. All the birthdays, holidays, all the people I've loved and lost. Whoever the hell did this is going to pay. I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't mean that friggin lightly. I will rip your lungs out of your chest. I'm done with you people treating me like an animal, I'm done with this place, I'm done with all you horrible people. I'm gone. I'm fucking gone." Things cut away shortly after Dean threw the microphone to the ground violently and stomped away, you can't curse on live television and expect them to roll much longer after that.

You could practically hear Castiel's heart break as he quietly left the room and retreated into his room holding back heavy sobs, never expecting to see Dean again. Why would he? He hates this town, he hates the people, he's avoiding Cas, and isn't tied down to a job very strictly. He could find work elsewhere, taking Sam with him. Leaving the lonely, broken teacher behind. Castiel would resort back to his outwardly shy, terribly unhappy, self while Gabriel would make new friends and most likely inform Castiel of all the great fortune the Winchesters have come into ever since leaving Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Castiel would feign happiness and say he's glad, then lay in bed for a month faking mono. It's simple, really. Castiel isn't some super model who's the perfect boyfriend and best friend. He's just Castiel. While Dean's a heroic, brave, life changing man. Things were bound to end anyway. He just wished it wasn't over city wide television.

A little later, theres a knock on his locked bedroom door.

"Cassie, you've got a visitor." Gabriel notifies, sounding chipper as always.

"If it's Balthazar then tell him I'm fine and I'll see him at work."

"It's not Balthie, Cassie! God just open the door you pitiful sack." He complained, pounding on the door with more force.

"I don't want a stripper! Leave me alone Gabriel!" Castiel shouted, burrying his head into his pillow. He could faintly hear Gabriel say, 'Fuck it, pick the lock already Mr. Jack-of-all-trades.'

Castiel didn't look up when the door creaked open, or when he heard clothes being shed and boots kicked aside. Personally he couldn't care what the hell the stripper was doing, as long as he didn't try to interact with Castiel or try to get him to pay him. So not in the mood. Maybe if it was a good day and he'd been drinking for a week straight. Neither of which had happened.

He looked up when the stripper slipped into bed with him, winding his arm around Castiel's waist, enjoying the warmth and comfort that is Castiel.

"Dean?"

"Yeah? Who else would it be?" Dean asked, looking confused. But still gorgeous as ever, despite the soot and sadness staining his face.

"I don't know- I thought you were leaving, Dean. Everyone saw the news, you know. 'I'm fucking gone.' sort of sends that kind of message." Castiel said, his ever current frown deepening.

"Baby, I'd never leave if you were here. I love you, stupid." The frown on Castiel's face disappeared along with every other thought he's ever had.

"I love you too, Dean."

"Good, or else I'd be seriously embarrassed right now. "

"You shouldn't be, that isn't the first time you've said it to me." Castiel muses with a smile, kissing Dean on the cheek, curling into his side.

"I-What?"

"You said it the first time the night you came home from the psychiatrist, I never believed you meant it but..I had high hopes." Castiel's smile was warm and inviting.

"Man, I've always loved you, the day of our first date, Sammy told me it was love at first site and to not get hurt. What a girl." Dean snorted, but Dean knew that as always Sammy was so, so right.

"Say it again." Castiel asked, making Dean smirk.

"I love you. I love you. I absolutely love you, would never leave you, and would give up the world for you." Dean smiled, kissing Castiel softly.

"I've never told anyone I loved them before, well except family but you know what I mean." Dean confessed, tracing his fingers on Cas' back.

"I've told one person before. His name was Zachariah. Things were well for a short time, but then he started to verbally abuse me. Then he'd hit me, eventually it was sexual abuse. That's why I came here in the first place. To escape. He'd threatened to kill me and I gave up and ran."

Dean coughed before replying, "I- I've been raped a few times. That's where the scar on my hip bones from. Always the same guy, the fucking dick." He breathed, voice cracking.

"When was the last time?" Castiel asked, though he didn't want to reopen old wounds for Dean. He just wanted to know how to help Dean. No one deserves to be hurt like that. Ever. No matter what they've done, what they're wearing, or who they are. Castiel knew that by experience.

"Um. Halloween."

If they hold each other a little tighter tonight, no one would say a thing.

The morning felt very domestic, showers, eggs, shaking the teenagers from their slumber telling them to get ready for school. Dean kissing Castiel goodbye as he walks out the door with the teenagers in tow. Strangely domestic, but blissfully perfect.

Dean spends his day in the park where their first day ended. Laying in the grass, confused, lost, homeless, and god damned happy.

When Castiel strolls into work, Charlie stops him at the front desk. She's a wonderful secretary. Smart, funny, and apparently thinks Castiel is a hoot.

"Castiel! Man! You look like you got laid, smilin' at work like that! Do tell!" She gasps, leaving over the counter.

"I didn't get laid, Charlie," He laughed, blushing. "He told me he loved me."


End file.
